667. The Truth About Living in Your Comfort Zone

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Forget the cliché advice to "get out" of your comfort zone; digital nomad Billy Lahr reveals why you should actually be working harder to get into it. In this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast, mindfulness coach and former dean joins Lesley Logan to challenge the "hustle culture" obsession with escaping comfort, arguing instead that we must distinguish it from the "complacency zone" by expanding our capacity from the inside out, much like stretching a pizza dough. Billy brings a refreshing, no-nonsense perspective on identity, curiosity, and the importance of maintaining a "centered self."  

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In this episode you will learn about:

  • Master the art of curiosity to build deeper human connections. 
  • Differentiate between a healthy comfort zone and dangerous complacency. 
  • Reclaim your personal identity by identifying your ten life roles.
  • Use mindfulness as a practical tool to manage high-intensity anxiety. 
  • Turn your unique strengths into a sustainable and purposeful life.


Episode References/Links:


Guest Bio:

Billy Lahr is certified mindfulness meditation coach, certified personal trainer, behavior change specialist, former educator, serial overthinker, and host of The Mindful Midlife Crisis, a podcast for people navigating the complexities and possibilities of life’s second half. In 2013, Billy started practicing mindfulness as a way to manage mounting mental health issues brought on by professional burnout, social media harassment from students, and a lack of job satisfaction. In 2021, Billy left his job as dean of students in order to travel the world in search of more meaningful experiences and community. Since then, he's been a GPS for individuals aiming to live more mindfully and intentionally through recognizing and harnessing their strengths, exploring their curiosities, growing and synergizing with their network by fostering consistency, discipline, patience, and self-compassion.

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Episode Transcript:

Billy Lahr 0:00  

I'll tell you that the conversations that I've had with digital nomads is that being a nomad is incredibly lonely and isolating, because what you're doing is a lot of times, because it's such a transient community, is you're building these superficial relationships and people come and go out of your life. And I can tell you, just from my own personal experience, that a lot of that has exacerbated this feeling of isolation and loneliness and this longing for a deeper connection.


Lesley Logan 0:31  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 


Lesley Logan 1:13  

All right, Be It babe. I'm really stoked for today's episode we had, I have the most fun talking to Billy Lahr as our guest, and it was really funny. We didn't talk about what he does until halfway through the podcast. And I don't want to ruin it. I don't want to spoil it for you, but we actually talked about comfort zones, and should you stay in them? Should you get out of them? And a whole lot more insights and I just think it's really fun. We talk about curiosity. And so I think you're just going to enjoy all of this. Oh, and the Be It Action Items at the end, fucking fabulous. You'll love them. So here you go. Here's Billy Lahr.


Lesley Logan 1:45  

All right, Be It babe. I'm super excited we have a total, like, true digital nomad as our guest today. Billy Lahr is here, and I kind of am obsessed. Because before I bought a house, and, like, settled in and like, loved being at home, my husband and I used to be nomads. Someone thought like we'll just be nomadic people. So we just dabble in it. But you do it full time. Can you tell us what you rock at and why you why you're a digital nomad?


Billy Lahr 2:11  

I rock at curiosity. I would say that's my superpower. I like to ask questions. I never, ever, whenever I meet people, I never asked the question, what do you do? That's the most boring question in the world. And there's a couple of reasons why I don't ask that. I actually got that tip from past guests on my podcast named Jesse Ross, and the way I look at it is, what you do, one, is usually the least interesting thing about you, like I taught, I taught English for 21 years. Everyone had one of me. Everyone knows what I did. So that's it's not fun for me to talk about that. Secondly, people generally don't like to talk about work outside of work unless they're super involved and they love what they do. Most people do what they do because it pays the bills. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and we'll come back to that a little bit later. But the third reason is, I think people over identify with their roles, their jobs. I live in Korea now, and I see that a lot, there is a pressure to have a certain status. And I feel like whenever you talk to people about what do you do, you can feel them recoil because they don't want to talk about it. So the first question I always ask all of my guests is, what are 10 roles that you play in your life? To me, that's a more interesting question. Now, the first four or five answers are always something familial. You know, for me, I'm a brother, I'm a son, I'm an uncle. Those things come like that. Then when you get into those later examples, you have to dig deep into what roles you actually play. So for me, digital nomad, Pearl Jam fanatic. I've seen Pearl Jam 54 times in nine states. I'm an avid paddle boarder. I've paddle boarded off five continent coasts. So those are the kind of things that are interesting and lead to better conversation. And because of my curiosity, I'm able to kind of wiggle my way through the mundane to get to those types of conversations.


Lesley Logan 4:32  

Yeah. I mean, I think, like, first of all, you're not wrong there. I go to a lot of parties, and of course, like, people are asking, what do you do? And this for me, most of the time, when people do ask me that I'm on a plane going somewhere and I and I'm like, well, it's gonna be really weird when I tell you what I actually do, because you're like, then why are you going to where you're going? That doesn't make sense. So it can be interesting and weird, but also, like not many people want to talk about their job, like you said, or it's like, it is the least interesting thing about them, or it's it is something that pays the bills. And so there are other things, but they're never asked that questions. They don't even know how to describe themselves or talk about themselves. And the fact that you're curious must mean that you meet cooler versions of people, like we can meet the same people, but because you can be more curious than me, you're gonna meet a version of them that, like I might have, like, missed because I asked the wrong question, or I didn't ask or not even the wrong question. I just asked a better question.


Billy Lahr 5:27  

My general rule when I talk to people, and this is going to sound a bit arrogant, but whatever. My general rule is, you need to be at least as interesting as I am, because I've lived a pretty interesting life, and if you have nothing to contribute, then, like, what value do you have for me in the conversation? So I'm going to dig around. I'm going to ask questions that maybe the normal person isn't going to ask. I had this situation pop up the other week, and there were two women who are like, I can't believe you just asked that. And I'm like, listen, if you don't ask, then you don't get the answers. So my dad always told me ask the worst anyone could ever say is no. So I ask, and those lead to better conversations.


Lesley Logan 6:15  

Yeah, yeah. I think, I mean, it is true, like I was taught that as well. It's like, if you don't ask, you got to know, and so you may as well ask, because if you get a no, then you know, and you can go find another way, but you could get a yes, and then it's like, oh my god, like you could get that. So I I completely agree. And I also think, like, you know, a lot of people are feeling lonely these days. I have to imagine, like, traveling the world if you're curious, you're never lonely, because you're always finding ways to talk to people and, like, get to know them. But people are lonely and they don't travel and they're surrounded by people, but I think it's because they're they're not getting to a deeper version of a person that they're talking to. So everything has surfaced all of the time.


Billy Lahr 6:56  

I'll tell you that the conversations that I've had with digital nomads is that being a nomad is incredibly lonely and isolating, because what you're doing is a lot of times, because it's such a transient community, is you're building these superficial relationships and people come and go out of your life. And I can tell you, just from my own personal experience, that a lot of that has exacerbated this feeling of isolation and loneliness and this longing for a deeper connection. It's very hard to maintain romantic relationships when you're on the move like this. So there is a part of me that does desire to just be in one spot. I'm someone who craves stability. I'm someone who craves structure. I crave routine. That's where I thrive. I used to work in education. Bells told me when to start and stop my day. So this is a huge leap, and I'm not not a fan of this idea of get out of your comfort zone. Shut up. I've been working really hard to get into my comfort zone. Let me sit in my comfort zone, but where I tell people to be cautious of is when we start to get into the complacency zone. So when things start to feel complacent, that's when we need to stretch our comfort zone like it's pizza dough. And you don't pull pizza dough from the outside. Only heathens do that. You push pizza dough from the inside, and where you see it's thin, you put some flour, you put a little bit more dough, and you massage that in there, and you stretch out that pizza dough. If someone tells you to get out of their comfort zone, I don't know if we can swear on here, you can just tell them, you know, shut the fuck up. I'm good in my comfort zone, but you need to take a look at, am I in my comfort zone, or am I, am I in my complacency zone? Right now, I'm definitely stretching my pizza dough because I was working a full time job. Now I'm back to freelance, and things are a bit more, you know, unstable. So, you know, I'm I'm trying to build some things, I'm trying to rebrand some things, and it all takes a lot of hard work, and there's a lot of uncertainty in there. And listen uncertainty as a very anxious person, as a very high intensity person, uncertainty does not sit well with me. So I'm very much navigating through all of this.


Lesley Logan 9:31  

This is so interesting. You are an enigma. But okay, first of all, I actually agree. I think there's something about getting out of your comfort zone all the time that the overachiever is listening to, that's the causing burnout, and it's causing extra stress. It's like, my if you're a high achiever, you're rocking it. That just means you like big things and you're doing those things, the overachievers, that's when you're like, I got to get outside of my comfort zone. It's like, but you haven't like you just said, I want to try to get in my comfort zone. It's like, that's interesting. How often have I just, like, sat still and, like, enjoyed the comfort that I created, you know, like, but do you mind? Can we dive into the complacency zone? Like, when you say that, like, the signs and symptoms you're in a complacency zone, the what, what came to mind is, like, you complain about the comfort zone. You kind of come like, you kind of complain about your, oh, the things in your life, or the things around your life, like that might be, to me, a sign, or sometimes you're in complacency, like you're good at what you do when you're still complaining about it. Is that one like, what are some signs that you're in complacency?


Billy Lahr 10:30  

That's a great question. So here's a perfect example, when I have new clients when so I was teaching business English here in Korea, so I wasn't teaching at a hagwon with elementary school kids. I've done with public education in that regard, I want to work with adults. So I was working at Hyundai and Kia and teaching their employees Business English. And so when I first meet them, I want to know, hey, what are your hobbies? And a lot of them will say, especially if they're parents, especially if they're new parents, my hobby is my child. Ding, ding, ding, complacency zone. So listen, let me, let me preface this by saying I'm not a parent, so I don't know what it's like to have a child. I don't know what it's like to sacrifice those things. What I do know is that my parents still did things despite having three kids. My dad sang in an all men's choir. Both my mom and my dad played softball throughout the week. They did things that still interested them so that they could socialize with people. So I think especially here, there is this emphasis on making sure that your child grows up and has a more successful future than what you have. And what I notice is that there's a lot of snowplow parents, we'll call them. 


Lesley Logan 12:00  

Yeah, we have them in the States. 


Billy Lahr 12:02  

Yeah, yeah. So I feel like when that happens, you lose your sense of identity again. We come back to this idea of identity, yeah. So where can you find identity? And it's through curiosity. And remember, it's you're not just one identity. You're playing many roles. So if you take a look at those 10 roles, and if you can't come up with 10 roles, that's another perfect example of, hey, maybe you're in this complacency zone. When was the last time you participated in one of those roles? Are all of these roles about someone else, because if they are, you're losing that sense of identity. So how do you go out and explore those? Easier said than done but that comes, that comes from self-awareness. It comes from sitting with your thoughts, your feelings and your emotions, sitting with what you want, and coming to a realization that, okay, I feel like, you know, we talk about being selfish and we talk about being selfless. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with being selfish if you've been overly selfless. So in the middle, you know, we talk about self-centered Well, what about centered self? That's ultimately where we want to be and when we want to be a centered self, it means that we need to be able to provide for others while also providing for ourself. 


Lesley Logan 13:34  

Yeah, I agree, like we've talked on this podcast before, how I think selfish has to do a rebrand, because, like, very rarely have I experienced the people that I have talked to, the stories that I've heard, or the listeners that we have actually being selfish assholes, like most of the time when they think they're being selfish, they're just prioritizing their self. 


Billy Lahr 13:54  

I want to direct everybody to Valerie Jones. Valerie Jones has a podcast called The Selfish Woman. She was a guest on the mindful midlife crisis. I think it's episode 57. Valerie is great, and she's done this excellent job of rebranding this idea of what it means to be selfish. So check that out.


Lesley Logan 14:14  

Yeah, okay, I might want an intro to her, because, like. 


Billy Lahr 14:17  

You have to she's great. 


Lesley Logan 14:18  

Done. We're doing it after this. Okay. Because, like, but I think like the centered self also, like I do, I do love that you challenge people who who are, who are parents, as a role, that if they don't have something outside of their kids, it, it doesn't actually help your kiddo out. Like we have seen these kids get older. We now have the Gen Z kids and these kids, and they haven't experienced disappointment, they haven't experienced a loss. They have it at a young age, because you just snow plowed all of it for them. And so now they're 20 something years old, and they're learning for the first time what it's like to fail at something that is a hard thing to do, that's hard. You got to learn it when you're younger. So I'm with you.


Billy Lahr 14:57  

And here's the I know people are like dude, you don't have kids. Mind your business. Okay. Let me give you another example. My former co host, Brian on the Bass. We call him Brian on the Bass because he plays bass in every band in the Twin Cities in Minnesota. He decided to, like I said, he's been playing bass in all of these bands. He records here and there. He developed. He he branded this new band called Gen X Jukebox. This is a guy who has three boys, boys, just or sharknadoes spinning around his house. They had a whoopsie. All right, they had a bonus baby. Sorry, they had a bonus baby when they were in their 40s, but he's still doing all of these things. They bought a bus and they turned it into a schooly, it's something that he and his wife did together. So listen, if you're listening to me and you're like, you childless, you childless piece of shit, you don't know what you're talking about. Okay, fine, fine, fine. Who are the other examples out there who are fulfilling these these roles, and take a look at your own and just say, Okay, what are things that I used to do that I don't do anymore? Or what am I curious about today that I want to learn more of?


Lesley Logan 16:16  

Yeah, I think that's so true. And I, for people, been listening to this podcast for a really long time, like the first three years of the podcast, I was like, I'm on a hobby hunt. And then people like you don't have hobby like you have so many hobbies. I'm like, No, I have a lot of hobbies that turned into pay. Like I got paid to do them, and the moment I'm getting paid to do them, I don't feel them as a hobby anymore. It's now a job. And I love what I do. I have no complaints. I love all of the aspects of my job, because I get to decide if I don't want to do them anymore, but I want to find a hobby, and I recently found one in the last year. And people are like, Oh, well, because I'm like, way up in Tarot right now. So however people feel about that, I don't care. I love it. I'm having the best time. And people like, Oh, are you gonna do a reading for me? And I was like, No, it's my fucking hobby. You can get your own reading. Go pay someone like, so I find that, like, it's really easy for people to, like, start doing something, and then people go, Oh, then you could do it for me. And it's like, I do find things that you could be curious about and, and I don't care if people want you to do it for them. You don't have to full permission from the pod permit. You get to just like, be curious about them and let them be with their or you can also change your mind. I do think that's another thing people have to realize. Like, you could be go, oh, I used to love to snowboard. And then you can go and go, Oh, I hate it now. That's fine. You can just don't worry about the sunk cost. Billy, you've mentioned your dad a couple of times, and I know that, like your dad had said something to you when you were a teacher, like, do you mind? Can we dive into that? And like, how that has shaped where you are today?


Billy Lahr 17:42  

Yeah, yeah. So, you know, my dad is a character. He's like Rodney Dangerfield in every movie. He's got the sexual innuendos. But you know, everybody knows who he is. Everybody calls him uncle D. So you know that this is just kind of guy that my dad is, but I remember him, my dad. He's a he's a farmer, he's a tinkerer, he he is a natural salesman. This guy is a renaissance man, and I think there's a small part of him, and he'll never admit this, that's maybe a little disappointed that I didn't get into, you know, being the the farm kid, or being the hunter or that sort of stuff. And instead, I got into I played sports, and I really got into books, and I got into writing. So I became an English teacher and and I remember one time he said to me, I hope you're a good English teacher, because you will starve if you have to do anything else. And he said it with love. He said it with love. He said it jokingly. But this is that's kind of what I've been figuring out here the last four years, because I left education in 2021 and I've been trying to figure out, okay, what is it that I'm good at that I can monetize? Is because there are and by monetize is being get paid for, right? 


Lesley Logan 19:05  

Yeah, well, because the world we requires us to pay bills and so we have to figure a way to monetize something that we're willing to do for many hours of a week yeah. 


Billy Lahr 19:14  

Yeah. And I think that's, you know, I've been, I've been figuring that out the last four years now I feel very, very lucky, very privileged, that one thing that he taught me was how to save and how to invest. So I've been able to travel around here the last four years with the money that I've saved, with the money that I've invested. I took this last year to work in Korea full time, because, like I said, I needed that stability, I needed that structure, I needed that routine. So in all of that, I've been experimenting. My wonderful friend Jill Daler talks about using the world as her laboratory and just seeing what works. And listen, lot of things have failed that I've done the last few years, and I think a big part of that is because I don't know how to market myself, and I don't want to play the algorithm game, because I grew up in the 90s, and the biggest sin in the 90s was selling out.


Lesley Logan 20:20  

Oh yeah, okay, so what? You're a little older than me, I think, but I do recall, you know, hearing people.


Billy Lahr 20:26  

I told you, Pearl Jam is my favorite band all those Seattle grunge bands. What did they teach us? They taught us don't sell out. Selling out is the greatest sin of it all, and this idea of marketing and playing the algorithm game and using clickbaity titles, it's so vomitus to me, and it feels disingenuous to who I am as a creative spirit. But then there are a lot of starving artists out there, so as I'm going through this rebrand, I'm thinking to myself, listen, maybe you need to play the game, because the last time I saw Pearl Jam, you want to know who was sponsoring the show, Amazon Music. Okay, so if Pearl Jam can come around to, you know, corporate, corporate suggestion, corporate support, then, then maybe I can play the game too, because, you know, who am I to Pearl Jam? 


Lesley Logan 21:22  

But also, and here's the thing, like, I completely agree with that on a I own, on my own way, and that, like, the way that I could have had more followers, more subscribers on YouTube much sooner, given the industry I am, is to just be a little bit skinnier and make sure that I only work out in a tiny sports bra and tiny shorts. And like everything is about abs and glutes, abs and glutes, abs and glutes, and it's like, but that's not the way I teach. That's not the Pilates I teach. I actually am extremely like conscious that people just feel good in their body, that they don't think that fitness actually is how you lose weight, because it's not, it's how you eat and hormones and all that stuff, sleep, water and all these different things. However, 10 years into my YouTube channel, I just have 40,000 subscribers, and my friends have millions. So what I had to figure out is like, How can I understand what the titles have to be, and then be fucking honest with people in the video? So can you lose weight with Pilates? Is not like or like Pilates and weight loss like something that'd be so clickbait against me. It's like, okay, so let's talk about what real, actual weight loss is, if you how do you know you need it? And if Pilates can do it. And so I had to find a way to like, Okay, how do I digest the click bait? But then be honest and authentic. Because the other reality is, is like, No, you said starving artists, but like the impact that you and I want to make on this world, no one hears about it if it doesn't get put in front of their face and so and so you either have time or you have money. And the thing about the algorithms is you can have no dollars, but get your message out there. That's not something we could do in the 90s. Pearl Jam would have to pay for ad space and radio space and all this stuff. So I do feel like there is some swallowing of of some of it to go. Okay, well, what can I live with? Like, what's my value process there? And it has helped me immensely, because while I still don't have millions of subscribers, all the ones I do have, I got organically, and they actually like the message I have, you know, and even if they didn't subscribe, it at least got the truth, and then they can go do with what they want, you know. So that it's an interesting thing, but it is hard, because I fucking hate the game of the algorithms. I think it's annoying. It's frustrating, but also people are overwhelmed and exhausted and in complacency, and so how do we get them out? I don't know.


Billy Lahr 23:38  

Yeah, yeah, it's funny. It just dawned on me that I haven't talked about, like, what service I provide and and I think this is gonna be funny. This is gonna be funny now, if people have listened to me throughout this and they're like, this guy's kind of a spaz, that's why I'm a certified mindfulness meditation teacher.


Lesley Logan 24:01  

Well, your message, your message.


Billy Lahr 24:03  

Right, right. So what I tell people because people will tell me, like, you're pretty intense for you a meditation teacher, yes, I practice mindfulness so that I can be this obnoxious, because if I wasn't, I'd be a complete and total asshole. So I practiced it so that I can stay here in this area, because when I wasn't practicing, then I was very anxious, and that was manifesting in the depression, and that was manifesting in some other darker thoughts. So this brand of mindfulness that I share, it isn't it isn't granola. It is, it is, it's, it's more just like, hey, here's what we need to do. I'm not going to tell you to follow your passions. I'm not going to tell you that everything happens for a reason, because I don't believe in those things. But here's what I do think is practical, and here's an easy first step. And that, then, in turn, allows me to be genuine. And I like what you said there, like, yeah, we can have a clickbaity title as long as the content within the video is genuine and it's and it's authentic to who we are. When you listen to my meditations, I can be very can go into that meditation voice, and I can be very soothing, and I know that's what that audience needs, if they click on that meditation but if they're listening to an interview, you're going to get me at high energy, because I love being behind a microphone. That's why, like, I found ways to emcee events here in Seoul, just by, you know, you talk about, see it till you be it like or be it till, which one is it? 


Lesley Logan 25:50  

I like the way you said it, I think it's great. 


Billy Lahr 25:52  

No, no, because I actually wrote about this in one of my newsletters, because once your team reached out to me, I was like, see it till you, be it, does that make more sense? But then you were talking about, be it till you see it. And I was, I was volunteering as my volunteering with my services as an emcee for these live music events around here, not getting paid for it, but not expecting to. I was just doing it because it was fun. And then over time, the band that I was emceeing for, they're a band called The Johnny Birds. You can check them out on Spotify. Please do people. They were like, hey, every time you emcee, people donate more money, so we want to include you in on that. And I was like, oh, whoa. Like, I did not expect that, but it was so generous and thoughtful of them to be like, no, you're part of this band. It as part of the live show to some degree. So we want to make sure that we show our appreciation. And that was just me being it, yeah, and then all of a sudden, you know, I saw the money.


Lesley Logan 27:04  

I so first of all, I pretty sure you, you did write a newsletter, and you sent it to my team, and I got it, and I was like, this is so cool. I haven't met the person yet. Look at the impact we're having. I really love that, because I love that story, because I do think so many people are, like, waiting for it to be all figured out and figuring out how much do I charge for this, and what's the process? And it's like, but that has never been how anything has happened for me. Everything has happened by like, acting like I have an idea of what the fuck I'm doing, even if I don't doing the best I can, and then, like, seeing what happens, and all of a sudden it's like, oh, I'm four steps up the stairwell already, like it just happened, and then other people see it, and then see you do it, and they're inspired by that. And then they're like, Oh, you must know what you're doing. I'm gonna hire you for this thing, or whatever it is. And so I think a lot of people are waiting until they have their business card ready and they practice in front of the mirror. So I love that story so much, and I think it's really cool. And also, you have an innate thing, and we talked about this before, but like, you are a really good cheerleader for other people. You have a really good and that kind of goes back to, like, you have a hard kind of time. It's not selling out, but like, marketing yourself, as you said, because, like, you almost are like, the backup babe for so many people. You're like, ready to launch all their stuff.


Billy Lahr 28:19  

Oh yeah, give me the pompoms, man. I'll be the cheerleader. I'll be the cheerleader if you're doing good things, I'll absolutely be the cheerleader for you. And that's, I think that's where I went wrong with my own podcast, because I started off by giving people a platform to share their experiences and expertise, and I was having these really fascinating conversations. And then I started working with a podcast business coach, and bless his heart, he's he's a really great dude, but we didn't share the same vision. My vision was to give people a platform to share their experiences and expertise to my listeners, so that, and I just wanted to have those conversations with really fascinating people. And his idea was, well, hey, the only way that you're going to make money is if you market your coaching services. So it went completely and I hate sales. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I don't have my dad's sales acumen. It's I just would rather talk to other people and celebrate other people. And, you know, I feel like, you know, then people are like, oh, you know you're really good at the interview part. Oh, thank you. Like, that feeds my, my need for words of affirmations, like, You're really good. I'll tell you that I had Ed Latimore on my podcast. And Ed does thousands of podcasts in his lifetime. He's an author. People, check out Ed Latimore. He's got a book now called. 


Lesley Logan 29:53  

You're doing it right now, Billy, you are promoting someone else. 


Billy Lahr 29:57  

He said and here's the I've never met Ed in person, I've only met him through Zoom, but he's a really fascinating dude. And when we got done, he said, You know what? You're really good at this. And it kind of caught me by surprise, because Ed, Ed grew up like in the mean streets of Philadelphia, and, like, he was a professional boxer, you know, he literally doesn't pull punches, so he tells it like how he sees it. And that, to me, was one of the nicest compliments I've ever received. And I said, that means a lot to me, because I feel like you've done a lot of these. And he said, I have done a lot of these and and you're really good at this. And that, to me, again, goes back to the be it till you see it like I was just, I'm just asking questions. I'm doing the research and and asking questions. I hate when people send me their media flyers and like you can ask these questions. Guess what? That's a guarantee I'm not going to ask any of those questions, because then you have canned responses. I'm going to go and listen to the podcast that you did on other shows, and I'm going to write down all of the follow up questions that I think that the host should have asked you. I'm going to go to your website and I'm going to ask you specific things about your website. I'm going to read your book, and I'm going to ask you things that stand out to me in your book, because that's where real conversation comes. It doesn't come from these canned questions. And like the more that we understand other people, the more curious we are, and the more you know, harmonious of a society we can be.


Lesley Logan 31:36  

I think it goes back to like being you're a mindfulness coach like you being curious about other people and them being able to, like, hear that conversation requires mindfulness, because it requires them to be aware of any of the fucking things that they actually do in their life. Like, it's like, I think a lot of people go through the day, and so it actually doesn't surprise me that that's what you coach on. And also like, why you're a curious person. To me, they kind of go hand in hand. I also like, look, because we we coach Pilates instructors who are like, I just want to teach, you know, because I love what I do. And I'm like, the IRS doesn't care that you love what you do. If you have a business, they are going to audit you if you haven't paid taxes a couple years like they expect. They're going to give you a couple years to fuck around, and then they're going to expect their money. So I love that, and also I have to make sure that you, like, can pay your bills. So I appreciate your coach going. I want you to make your night, but there are so many different ways to make money around things. And you know you being until you see it in the beginning is a perfect way to, like, kick off your podcast and figure it out, because I don't think there's one way to make money with podcasts. I think there's a billion ways, and you'll find the one that works for you. And you don't have to be an actual, like, quote, unquote salesperson to do it. So I see it happening, and it probably already has, because you're still doing why would you podcast if it wasn't working for you? 


Billy Lahr 32:56  

I'll be honest, I hauled I put a pause on the podcast back in March because it, it was, it was, like, in a toxic relationship, because, like, I couldn't quit it. I was, you know, I would, I would pause, and then I would keep going back to it, and I would pause, and I keep going back to it, and I pause it, and I haven't recorded in a while, and I don't have any intention of going back to recording it at this time, if things were to change then, then I would maybe, maybe this rebranding, you know, blows up. Then it's like, oh, okay, now I can go back to doing this, but I don't miss it, but at the same time, I feel really good about what we created. Like, we recorded over 100 episodes, and most of those were episodes with guests. And I'm really proud to look at that guest list and be like, Okay, we were 50-50, with men and women. We, you know, we were when it was, when it was me and Brian on the Bass, you know, it was two straight white guys, right? But we had a very diverse collection of people from the LGBT community, people of color, like, you know, we really sought out or, like, it was my show, I sought out people and different voices. And I think that that that's really important, because we need to get out of that, of that silo of what we see in here, and I think that's another sign, too, of complacency, if we go back to that, that if you're looking at and you're getting the same messages, whether, whether it's MSNBC, whether it's Fox News or whatnot, not even a news channel, if it's just the same messages over and over and over again, who's challenging that, and in then, in what way are you being curious?


Lesley Logan 34:48  

Yeah, yeah. I think, I think that's really true. I think a lot of people, they well, it's hard when your thoughts are challenged. It's much easier to just go, oh no, everyone around me thinks this way, and it's definitely challenging. I have family members that we have conversations, and I can tell what they're listening to, and I'm like, What are you like? What? Okay, let's for example, it was just Halloween. Here we're recording this, and I had someone tell me, Oh, this. They are this tool where you can easily see if there's drugs in the kids candy. And I said, I'm so sorry. I just have to ask, who the fuck is putting drugs in the candy? Who is doing this? People do. No one does. How would that kid get hooked on that drug and know which house it came from? It isn't a bag. Drugs are very expensive. No drug dealer is just giving drugs out for free in hopes that he hooks these children on drugs and then they'll then come looking for said drugs. Like, they wouldn't even know what drug they had to go buy it. They wouldn't even know what high they're on. This makes zero sense to me. I cannot participate in this fear mongering bullshit. I'm like, you have to like, you don't have to like, just go think about it. But no, every Halloween I have to hear it, there's probably drugs or needles. There's needles. I'm like, you can Google, are there needles in kids candy? And it will say no,


Billy Lahr 36:06  

it happened once. So it must happen all the time.


Lesley Logan 36:08  

Happens all the time. There are people like, what are so anyways, I but I do think people don't want to challenge their thoughts, because we're because there is something comfortable about being complacent, you know. So I think it requires people to be ready to be challenged in that way and want something different. I think it's also really cool. You know, it's not easy to start or stop anything like some people can don't get started. Some people get started, but they never stop. And podcasts, y'all are hungry babies. My YouTube channel is a hungry baby, and it never grows up. It will never, it'll never produce its own content. It will always require people me to show up and be present, people to want to be on this podcast, people to listen to the podcast. It will always require those things. And so it's pretty like, it's a pretty challenging thing to make a decision like that, and then, like, figure out what you want to do from it. So I don't know. I think it's cool, you know, what you're doing, what you're exploring. I would love to know, what are you like, are you excited about anything right now? Do you have a new country on your plate? Like, what's coming up next for you, Billy?


Billy Lahr 37:09  

Yeah, so I'm current, like I said, I'm in I'm in Seoul right now, but I am heading to Kota Kinabalu in Malaysia. I have yet to be to Malaysia, and then I'm gonna go to Kuala Lumpur. Kuala Lumpur was on my original list four years ago, and then it just kind of fell to the wayside. So going there, and then I'm going back to Chiangmai, because I love Chiangmai. You know, if you're Pilates, you probably have a lot of people who are like yogis, that travel around, so come to Chiangmai, and if you're in Chiangmai in January and mid February, let's go take a class together at Yoga Ananda. Because Kru Nok is the single greatest yoga teacher in the history of yoga teachers. She has this presence about her, like it's, I'm almost like a teenage girl outside of TRL on Backstreet Boy day every time she walks into the room, because I'm just like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. And it's not she's strikingly beautiful, of course, but it's her presence, and it's the way that she leads the class where I'm just like it, I'm just so impressed with with just the way that she instructs and the way that she adjusts, and it's really impressive. So yogi's out there.


Lesley Logan 38:31  

How natural, I have to follow up with you because we do like Chiangmai. We were just there last a year ago, and we were there after the floods. And it's, it's a beautiful, beautiful place. We were in Chiang Rai before that, and I kind of like Chiangrai, but my husband Chiangrai, but my husband really liked Chiang Mai, so I feel like we'll probably be back in Chiangmai, but that's cool.


Billy Lahr 38:47  

Yeah, but then I'll be back, I'll be back in the States, in case anybody is like, you know, I actually want to, I want to, I want to meet this guy, or I want to be in the same time zone as this guy. I'll be back in the States in April, because my niece is getting married in May. If she wasn't getting married, I would have no intentions of coming back to the States. But, yeah, you know, I suppose I should be there for that I should be the funcle.


Lesley Logan 39:07  

Also, also, it'll be it's always good to, like, step back into the place that you came from just to kind of see how far you've gone. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's easy. It's an easier way to look in the rear view mirror. We're gonna take a brief break and find out how more people can find you online, instead of running into in Chiangmai and your Be It Action Items. 


Lesley Logan 39:28  

All right, Billy, where, so you're a mindfulness coach. Where can they connect with you, meet you, work with you on Zoom. What do you got?


Billy Lahr 39:35  

Yeah, if you want more from the podcast, you can go to www.mindfulmidlifecrisis.com and you can sign up for the Jumpstart Your Midlife Workbook, and you'll be part of my newsletter too. That way, you can hear all all the times that I talk about Lesley's show, and you can find out where I go. I talk about my travels in there as well. I kind of give recaps of life lessons from the past episodes in that newsletter as well. If you're curious about what I do, you can go to www.billylahr.com it's L-A-H-R. If you want to check that out, I have a YouTube you can check out those. And I'm rebranding all those, so they're gonna be all sort of clickbaity titles. In case you don't like my esoteric titles that I've been using in the past. You can follow me on Instagram, mindful_midlife_crisis and you can follow me on LinkedIn, Billy Lahr, yeah, come check me out. Say hi. Let me know if there were any takeaways from this episode, things that I said that you were like, oh, I really like that, or things that I said where you're like, dude, you're full of shit. Let's talk about it. 


Lesley Logan 40:42  

I think that both are great, though both has strike wonderful, curious conversations. I also want to say, way to go, way to promote all the things look at you. Look at you, Billy.


Billy Lahr 40:52  

I mean, I invested in that stuff. I might as well, yes, I might as well talk about them. So, yeah, absolutely


Lesley Logan 40:59  

Okay, you've actually given us some great stuff, but we always do the always do the the I totally listen, but I still want action steps at the end, be it, bold, executable, intrinsic or targets that people can take to be it till they see it. What do you have for us? 


Billy Lahr 41:11  

Yeah. So the first thing that I tell people is to figure out what are your strengths, right? So this whole idea we talked about, follow your passion is complete and utter nonsense, passion is not a starting point. Passion is a byproduct, and it is a byproduct of this formula. Remember, I like structures, so we're going to have formulas. So step one, figure out what you're good at. Where are your strengths? If you don't know, ask somebody. Take a personality profile test. I actually have one in the Jumpstart Your Midlife Workbook that you can take. That's what this whole the whole workbook is about. This, these steps right here. Secondly, what are you curious about, and how can you leverage those skills and those strengths to learn more? And then third, find a community, find people that you can connect with, all of that will help you identify your purpose. And then, if you want to turn purpose into passion, you just multiply that by consistency, discipline, patience and self-compassion. Everybody talks about the consistency and and the the discipline, nobody ever talks about, the patience and the self-compassion, you got to have those two. And then what you'll find is, oh, you figure out what it is that you're passionate about. To me, passion is something that you will do on the weekend for free because you enjoy it so much, don't monetize it. You don't have to monetize it. Just do it for you. Do it for fun. And if, over time, you've like, oh, okay, like, maybe, maybe I can make a little side hustle with this. Go for it. But then remember, it's no longer a passion, it's a job. So keep those things in mind and just follow those steps, especially those first three, those are the big three right there. And you'll it'll give your life a little bit more meaning, and it will help you stretch that comfort zone. 


Lesley Logan 43:12  

Yeah. So good. Way to go. Thanks, Billy. This is so fun. 


Billy Lahr 43:18  

Yeah, thank you for having me. Yeah, I've enjoyed it. 


Lesley Logan 43:19  

Yeah, everyone. How are you gonna use these tips in your life? Let Billy know. Let the Be It Pod know and send this to a friend who needs to hear it. Send it to a complacent friend. Be their kickstart. It'll help them stretch their dough and until next time, Be It Till You See It. 


Lesley Logan 43:33  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.


Brad Crowell 44:15  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.


Lesley Logan 44:20  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.


Brad Crowell 44:24  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.


Lesley Logan 44:32  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.


Brad Crowell 44:35  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.



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