494. How to Step Into the Next Iteration of Yourself

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21:04

Life’s toughest moments often push us toward our greatest transformations. In this episode, Lesley and Brad dive into Lesley's insightful conversation with Stephan Neff, a doctor, author, and podcast host who shares his personal journey through trauma, addiction, and self-discovery. Learn how challenges can reveal your purpose, why taking messy action is key to growth, and how a simple self-hug can shift your mindset.


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In this episode you will learn about:

  • How trauma and adversity can push you toward personal transformation
  • The importance of taking action even when it feels hard
  • Stephan’s journey of loss, grief, and self-discovery
  • The power of daily practices like journaling and gratitude
  • How a simple self-hug can create a sense of self-acceptance and healing


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Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

By going through trauma and being forced to change, you get outside of your comfort zone. You get to experience fear. And he was sharing that he had a successful life at the Big House, the wife and kids, and on the inside, he was just not a happy person. 


Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.


Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co-host in life, Brad, and I are going to dig into the evolving convo I have with Stephan Neff in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened to that interview, make sure you do after you listen to this one, because it's great. Stephan is really cool, and he's got that New Zealand accent, which is, you know, if you're in the Western world, it's kind of nice. I guess that's the Western world as well. If you're in the United States, an accent is nice. It's, you know, it's different than mine. 


So anyways, today is March 6th 2025 and it's the Day of the Dude. 


Brad Crowell 1:26  

The Day of the Dude. 


Lesley Logan 1:27  

The Day of the Dude is celebrated on March 6th every year to commemorate the North American release of the movie The Big Lebowski in 1998. The movie portrays a protagonist with a laid back attitude to life, who chooses simplicity, peace and happiness. The idea is to enjoy life's little moments, such as bowling or drinking with some friends. The holiday looks to promote ease and simplicity in society. Being able to easily let things go and go with the flow is big part of the lifestyle. The lifestyle portrayed in the movie inspired the birth of the religion philosophy, known as “Dudeism.” 


Brad Crowell 2:03  

Dudeism.


Lesley Logan 2:04  

And so you know what, guys, I think we all need to just sit back, go bowl, drink with some friends, and just have a day where you just relax a little bit. I didn't really get the movie. I think that's because I can't relax very well. So I think maybe this is my Day of the Dude. It's Jeff Bridges. And who doesn't love John Goodman?


Brad Crowell 2:22  

And Steve Buscemi. I mean, it's amazing. 


Lesley Logan 2:24  

Julianne Moore, Sam Elliott, John Turturro. Huge cast, amazing cast. 


Brad Crowell 2:30  

Pretty fantastic. 


Lesley Logan 2:31  

You know. So I think we saw this at the cemetery. We saw The Big Lebowski at the cemetery. 


Brad Crowell 2:35  

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's the cemetery.


Lesley Logan 2:36  

The one and only time I've ever seen The Big Lebowski. But anyways, my loves part of being it until you see it is resting and relaxing. If you cannot, just have some moments where you go with the flow. Take the Day of the Dude as a reminder to, you know, find some simple ways to enjoy life. 


Brad Crowell 2:52  

So hey, we just got back from Cambodia. 


Lesley Logan 2:54  

We did. A couple days ago. 


Brad Crowell 2:56  

It was an amazing trip. We got a chance to hang with some friends who we basically consider family at this point. Take a bunch of people around to see some of our favorite spots, literally in the world, and we want you to join us on our next trip. Come this October 2025 to see our house and see the life that we've built over there, that we welcome you to stay at our place and tour the temples, do some Pilates, meet some elephants. All the things. Go to crowsnestretreats.com crowsnestretreats.com and in a couple ofweeks.


Lesley Logan 3:28  

Not even a couple of weeks, I think we're, like, about a week-ish, oh, from this coming out, we're on the, we're probably in Denver at this point. 


Brad Crowell 3:36  

Actually, we may be at P.O.T. 


Lesley Logan 3:38  

We're definitely supposed to be rolling in tonight. 


Brad Crowell 3:41  

Yeah. We're driving.


Lesley Logan 3:41  

So we're in the Aurora area with the van to see our Balanced Body peeps and our P.O.T. attendee people are here to have some fun. 


Brad Crowell 3:48  

No dogs in this trip. 


Lesley Logan 3:49  

No dogs. We're leaving them at home, mostly because.


Brad Crowell 3:52  

We're gonna be gone for like eight hours, 10 hours a day. It's tough.


Lesley Logan 3:54  

Yeah, also, easy, if we took one, not so easy if we take two. So no dogs, but we'll be there. Come say hi to us. 


March 18th to the 24th, the Accessories Flash Card Deck, the final deck, this is it, guys. It's the last one. It's being presaled. I guess that's now a burp on March 18th to the 24th it's going on presale, which means it'll be 30% off its original price. Doesn't mean it will ship to you the next day. It means you get to wait until it ships, but you get to get the best price. It, we do not do this discount again, and so we really, truly hope that you take advantage of it. So go to opc.me/flashcardwaitlist because only those on the waitlist will get the invite to get the discount. You will not see this on Instagram. You will not hear about here again. This is it. Then in April 27th through May 3rd, we have a week long spring training. Yes, our own version of a baseball event, but it's with Pilates, and it's with all the OPC teachers and myself. We've got 10 classes planned over seven days, all different time zone. Yes, there's a limited replay. Yes, it's going to be super affordable. And if you go to opc.me/events and get on the waitlist, you will get invited to the early bird price, which is basically stealing this, this amazing event. And if you're OPC member, it's free, but opc.me/events is the wait list for the early bird price. 


Brad Crowell 5:11  

Yeah. And if you are taking money from a client at all in any way, shape or form, that makes you a business owner, congratulations. Even if you don't see yourself as that, you know, even if it's like a side hobby kind of a thing. Technically, you still are a business owner, and I have a free webinar for you that's called the Accelerator webinar. Come join me at prfit.biz/accelerator, where I'm going to be revealing the three biggest secrets that Lesley and I've learned from coaching more than 2500 businesses just like yours over the past seven years through Agency, our coaching program. So join me at prfit.biz/accelerator. That's profit without the O dot biz slash accelerator. 


Lesley Logan 5:49  

Doesn't that word just make you want to go because it's accelerator. Before we get into Stephan Neff's interview, we have an audience question. 


Brad Crowell 5:58  

Yes, we do. Kara Dowd says, hey, I listened to the podcast. I'm hoping for nuggets of wisdom here, as I am an instructor, wondering the big question of whether I should make the transition to a studio owner. Either way, it's a great podcast. Well, I hope so. What if we told you no, okay, I would still be a good podcast. I'm teasing. Well, thank you for saying that. It's very kind, and we are really glad that you listen. And this is a great question that is really tough for us to answer, because there's a lot of factors involved. That's actually, literally why I host this webinar that we were just talking about. So if you haven't done it yet, Kara, you totally should join me on the Accelerator, where we're talking about, how do we create the right plan for you with your business, because Kara, you have your own goals and your own dreams, and you, choosing to open a studio, it's not like there is one path that you have to take in this career. Every single business owner that we work with has their own desires, their own vision for their business, and we help you sculpt and create that path that allows you to enjoy your business. Because what if you didn't want to open a studio and have the stress of paying rent, and maybe you even have a team and all that's like, what if you're like, why am I doing this? I just want to teach out of my house. You don't need to go open a studio, but you also could, if that was what you wanted to do. 


Lesley Logan 7:18  

But also you could have a studio in an office building, like where the rent is something you could pay in a week of teaching, and so you have the other three weeks for profit and taxes. And because it's in an office building, it's really safe. You don't need anyone else. If you can get the systems in place, you can run it by yourself, like I had a studio by myself. And then our goals changed, and so that studio had to change. My teacher, who I take from, he is solo. So he went from being a renter to actually just open up his own space and doing it himself. So the big transition is, how big is it? It depends. We already have all this equipment. So if we were to transition to a brick and mortar, the big expense is really going to be the building. What do we have to do there? Are we going to buy it? Are we going to just curate it? Are we just going to paint the wall? What are we going to do? So what I would say is actually ask yourself, okay, I have a studio. What does it look like? And make sure you're not picturing someone else's studio. What does your studio look like right now? Like, if I'm picturing, like, what's in our future studio? Like I told Brad, if we're gonna do this again, I really want to have those garage door window doors, for whatever reason I like the idea of an old mechanic shop or some sort of, like old building that looks like it was something else, but now it's this, and I want the higher ceilings. I didn't have high ceilings before. So picture that, and then ask yourself, Is this a studio you are doing by yourself? By the way, you guys, we help people all the time, work by themselves with their own studio, making the money they want to make, and having no extra teacher help. Or do you want to have a big class? Do you like leading people? Do you like managing people? So we can't answer this question on here because we don't know enough about you and what your goals are. And as coaches, one of the things that we're so proud of at Agency is that we actually coach you based on your goals. So we've coached thousands of studios and teachers around the world. And yes, some of the studios have a similar business model, but they all have different goals, and so how they approach what they're doing next depends on that. And so we can't give you a specific answer to your question, but I hope that helps you manifest what you got and then come to the Accelerator event so you can get to know us more and see if we can support you.


Brad Crowell 9:19  

Yeah, absolutely. Well, stick around. We'll be right back, because we're going to dig in some amazing action items from Stephan Neff. We'll be right back. 


All right. Now, let's talk about Stephan Neff. He actually says his name, Stefan with the S-C-H-T. Stephan, and I was like, that's really cool. So Stephan Neff is an anesthetist. He's the author of My Steps to Sobriety. He's a speaker, and he's the host of the Neff Inspiration podcast and YouTube channel. With expertise as a functional medicine specialist, a life coach and yoga instructor, Stephan combines his personal journey with professional insights to help others heal from trauma and addiction. Through radical compassion, mindfulness and proven clinical strategies, he empowers people to build emotional resilience and embrace lifelong wellbeing. 


Lesley Logan 10:10  

But he's just so vulnerable. 


Brad Crowell 10:12  

Yes, he really was. 


Lesley Logan 10:13  

And not in like a vulnerable trauma dumping way, like a vulnerable here's what I did, here's how I fucked up, and here's what I learned from it, and here's how I'm changing my life, and here's how you can.


Brad Crowell 10:23  

Don't be a trauma dumper. 


Lesley Logan 10:24  

People. Well, you know what? Brene Brown in her book talked about vulnerability and shame, right? And she said vulnerability is not like telling everyone, like, all this stuff until they run away from you. So some people. 


Brad Crowell 10:34  

Yeah, then it becomes like a defense mechanism. 


Lesley Logan 10:37  

Lay their stuff on you and see if you run away. His was like, I found myself going, oh my God. How did you get out of that? Oh my God.


Brad Crowell 10:43  

Yeah, because I think it was within the last three years that. 


Lesley Logan 10:46  

His whole life changed. 


Brad Crowell 10:47  

Yeah, he crashed. 


Lesley Logan 10:48  

I think it's been longer than that, but he's had more changes since then. And so anyways, he said by going through trauma and being forced to change, you get outside of your comfort zone. You get to experience fear. And he was sharing that he had a successful life with a big house, a wife and kids, and on the inside, he was just not a happy person, and he had these unresolved needs, especially in relationships, and he had unhappiness. And then he said, because you are searching for this purpose in your life, you have not yet found and so he basically talked about, when you have these things happen to you, it forces you to actually go figure out your purpose, because you haven't found it yet, until you're kind of in the wrong place. And you know, we've talked about this before on the podcast, taking away someone else's rock bottom is like a terrible thing to do, because they often need it, you know, they need a lesson, or they need the thing so that they can step into the next iteration of themselves. 


Brad Crowell 11:38  

You know, a reflection point. 


Lesley Logan 11:39  

Not that I'm saying that every bad thing that happens to you just go with it, because it's going to be not like the dude, it sucks when these things happen, but also that hardship and pain you go through, you can learn from it. You can discover what you're here to do on this planet from that information and take it on. And it doesn't have to become your story. It becomes part of the story that you're leading.


Brad Crowell 11:59  

Yeah, it was an intriguing conversation, because definitely, he's very willing to share the experience that he's gone through. He also has written a whole bunch of books, which is pretty cool too. I mean, the dude's a doctor, right? So he likes to write, apparently. The Day of the Dude. We're just gonna see how (inaudible)


The Dude is the doctor.


Lesley Logan 12:15  

The Dude and everything is The Dude. 


Brad Crowell 12:18  

Well, look, this dude really loved what Stephan said. He said, you have to take action in order to live your life, and the harder it gets, the more action you have to take, which we could not agree with more. When you take messy action, it gives you clarity. It helps create that path that we were talking about. He shared when he lost his wife of 27 years, he never allowed himself to feel loss and grief. He didn't allow himself to feel it. And that was not a win. That was like, he was like, oh, wow, okay. And he just kind of bottled it up. And then he said, actually, the thing that triggered it, that tripped it for him, was a song. And he said, suddenly he was like overwhelmed and overcome by the loss and grief that he experienced, and it really was powerful. He said, despite taking many of the right actions, he had neglected to address those deep emotions. And then with that song, he said it was so beautiful to cry, it was so beautiful to feel whole again because, yes, I can feel whole again even after that loss. I can definitely understand that. Thinking back through my divorce, I remember doubting myself thinking, oh, well, I had my shot. I fucked it up. I guess that was it. He's arguing. No, I can feel whole again. Despite this, he also shared many daily practices of journaling. He said those things that I took for granted, you know, they become my wins. They become my wins list. And this is something we've talked about in the past all the way back at the very beginning of this podcast, where we think it is so important to keep a log of the things that are a win in your life, because it's so easy for us to just focus on beating ourselves up and holding these things. I did this. I did that. I hate myself for this and all this stuff, but we never pull out that card and go but despite all these negative emotions that I have that I'm telling myself, all of these other positive things have happened in my life, so it's so helpful to have a journal of those wins. 


Lesley Logan 14:16  

Yeah, I hope people do it. I just want, we want to. I just want wins to happen all the time. 


Brad Crowell 14:21  

You never know when you're gonna need to read that. Lesley and I, we have been encouraging our clients to post their wins. People feel when they first come into our coaching group, they always feel awkward about it, because it feels like you're bragging, right, and you're sharing it to a bunch of people who you don't know. So are you bragging? Right? But the reality is, it has become the most popular channel in our entire group, because you go there and you just feel that things are possible when you read about this amazing things that have happened for other people in other people's life, because they're taking messy action, because they're trying to figure their way through and then amazing things are happening. It's just so inspiring. So you can even inspire yourself. 


Lesley Logan 15:05  

All the way back to Episode Five. We had someone who was talking about how she, like, kept track at the end of her day about her wins. And then we had Alan Stein Jr. somewhere around episode 100-something, and he talked about how at the end of every day he asked himself, what were his wins for the day, and so this podcast celebrates him on Friday. But, my goodness, can you figure out a way to celebrate every day? What did you do? Like, I washed my hair today. 


Brad Crowell 15:29  

That's a win. 


Lesley Logan 15:29  

That's a win. I'm telling you. I have been putting it off for three days. 


Brad Crowell 15:33  

I did mine last night. 


Lesley Logan 15:34  

Yeah, you look so good. You know what? Stop making it difficult to achieve a win in your life, because otherwise, life is already just hard.


Brad Crowell 15:42  

Yeah, graduating from college, that's definitely a win, no question about it. But it takes years to get to that point when you can finally say, I graduated, right? There are smaller wins along the way that you can definitely take note of.


Lesley Logan 15:53  

My senior year, one of the counselors used to have a dry erase board that they showed out their window and how I had to walk to class I don't pass this thing. 


Brad Crowell 16:00  

They put a message on it? 


Lesley Logan 16:01  

They put a message on it, and one day it said, every class, every day. And that was like our mantra, to show up to every class every day. We're like, we can do it. Every class, every day. And every day that we went to every class, we're like, oh, let's go get a latte we did it. So Brad, did you know I cut class? I knew exactly how many classes I could miss in a school year to still graduate with my honor. So I was like, I can miss this third period because I haven't missed it in a while, and I can. So anyways, figure out what the wins can be and make them small and achievable so that you actually start to give yourself the confidence. And I love that Stephan shared that with us, because I think we need that reminder. 


Brad Crowell 16:38  

Yeah, all right, so finally, let's talk about those, Be It Action Items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your conversation with Stephan Neff? He explained, for many, gratitude does not come naturally. He said it's a practice, so it's a privilege to be here, be grateful, and practice that. It's a privilege. Then he said the most important bit is to finally stop for a moment and actually try to figure out who you want to be when you grow up. 


Lesley Logan 17:06  

I know, and we're all still growing up, but we're 42 I know someone who's 62 and I was like, oh, that's I have so much time between now and then. Who do I want to be by then? I think it's cool. 


Brad Crowell 17:15  

He said, create that dream in your mind who you actually want to be when you grow up. Change your dream to a vision by becoming very, very, very, very clear. Once you've nailed it down, go to that next feature until your dream has become a very clear vision. 


Lesley Logan 17:28  

I can still hear his lovely accent saying, he's saying that he's so passionate about each of these Be It Action Items. He was so like into this whole section. 


Brad Crowell 17:35  

I know you said New Zealand. I swear I thought he was from Germany. 


Lesley Logan 17:38  

No, he's New Zealand. 


Brad Crowell 17:39  

He's in New Zealand. He mentioned Germany. 


Lesley Logan 17:42  

I know. I'm quite positive because of the time difference. It was like a whole different day. 


Brad Crowell 17:48  

Okay, well, oh yeah, you know what, you mentioned, I think he was traveling to Gisborne. You did mention Gisborne. 


Lesley Logan 17:57  

Gisborne. 


Brad Crowell 17:58  

Gisborne, I don't know how to say it. 


Lesley Logan 18:00  

Gisborne. I don't think the R is as emphasized as we do it. 


Brad Crowell 18:06  

Emphasized.


Lesley Logan 18:06  

So anyways, emphasized. 


Brad Crowell 18:07  

Yes, it's the place that they have the first light of the day every day. What about you? Let's get back to our Be It Action Items here. 


Lesley Logan 18:15  

My biggest takeaway was give yourself a hug and spend 15 seconds with yourself after. So, let's do that.


Brad Crowell 18:23  

Yeah, let's do it right now. 


Lesley Logan 18:24  

Close your eyes.


Brad Crowell 18:25  

So his hug was like, pretend you can bear hug yourself. So the biggest wrap around your shoulders that you could possibly do, and we're closing our eyes and we're going to do 15 seconds here. 


Lesley Logan 18:35  

Squeeze hard as you can and tell yourself I love you. So, ready? Squeeze. I love you. I love you. 1001, 1002, 1003, do we hug? Do we stop hugging after 15 seconds? Or do we hug and then we spend 15 seconds?


Brad Crowell 18:49  

Just hug yourself. 


Lesley Logan 18:50  

Okay, well, I'm trying to. 


Brad Crowell 18:51  

Just hug. Just hug. Two, one, awesome. He said he's super good. He's known for giving bear hugs to his friends, but he realized he never gives a bear hug to himself, and I just got chills. I literally just got chills right now. 


Lesley Logan 19:08  

I feel so good. I feel like I could end the day. It feels amazing. So. 


Brad Crowell 19:12  

He said accept who you are, squeeze as hard as you can and tell yourself I love you.


Lesley Logan 19:16  

Okay, everyone, let us know if you gave yourself a hug. Make sure to tag Stephan. Tag the Be It Pod. I'm Lesley Logan. 


Brad Crowell 19:22  

And I'm Brad Crowell. 


Lesley Logan 19:23  

Thank you so much for listening to us today. Thank you so much for sharing our podcast with your friends. Thank you for your reviews. They really mean the world to us. And make sure that you share your wins with us. You can start celebrating your wins by sending it to us. 


Brad Crowell 19:36  

Yeah, text us. 


Lesley Logan 19:37  

Yeah, that's exactly, or DM us or whatever, you know how to do it. We'll figure it out. And until next time, Be It Till You See It. 


Brad Crowell 19:43  

Bye for now. 


Lesley Logan 19:45  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.


Brad Crowell 20:28  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.


Lesley Logan 20:33  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.


Brad Crowell 20:37  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.


Lesley Logan 20:44  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.


Brad Crowell 20:47  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.


Transcribed by https://otter.ai



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