472. How Mothers Can Teach Authentic Confidence to Their Daughters

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Traci Peterson, a coach and advocate for high-performing women and their daughters, shares insights on reframing negative labels, nurturing self-trust, and passing empowering lessons to the next generation. Discover Traci’s seven “woman lessons” that help women overcome self-criticism, become more present, and truly celebrate their unique gifts. Whether you’re a mom or simply seeking more confidence, this conversation will spark lasting growth.


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In this episode you will learn about:

  • Transforming negative labels into empowering strengths.
  • Creating supportive communication between moms and daughters.
  • Building and maintaining boundaries to prioritize well-being.
  • Shifting from external validation to owning personal gifts and values.
  • Embracing body acceptance as part of self-trust and personal growth.
  • Breaking cycles of self-doubt to inspire confidence across generations.


Episode References/Links:


Guest Bio:

Traci Peterson is an international speaker, highly sought after trainer, board certified family nurse practitioner, Founder and CEO of Elevate Wellness & Aesthetics and has been awarded #1 Top Team Builder in 50 Countries with Amare, for outstanding leadership and long-term team retention. She hosts mother daughter retreats called Woman Lessons; for high performing women and their daughters between 9-12 to help them overcome self criticism by looking inward and upward for validation. With collective medical, wellness and aesthetics industry experience of 15+ years, Traci speaks on topics she regularly covers on her Podcast Woman Lessons: How to Be and raise a truly confident woman—focusing on overcoming comparison, eliminating self-criticism, identifying your divine gifts, learning to love yourself, lean on God as you're raising the next generation of leaders. Traci believes in living a fulfilled life of purpose-- not just external achievements. She prides herself in mastering her roles as a mother, wife, leader and woman of faith. She leads by example in all she teaches. Today, she joyously claims her greatest accomplishment as being a mother to 3 active children.

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Episode Transcript:

Traci Peterson 0:00  

I think that the labels oftentimes, that we're given, can be so limiting, but we can actually become liberated from them if we just reframe them. So whether you're bossy, right? I'm just a master delegator. If you've been told as a woman, oh, you're too emotional, no, you're just incredibly empathetic. If we can just reframe some of these labels, we can actually become liberated from them.


Lesley Logan 0:24  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.


Okay, loves. I'm going to keep this intro short and sweet, because we have a great interview that runs a little longer than our normal ones do, and that is with Traci Peterson. Basically, it's women lessons, and whether you're a mom or not, I do think you're going to get so much out of this, because we have this really open conversation about women, what do we need to know about ourselves? How do we need to be prioritizing ourselves? What does that look like? And then for those who are moms with daughters, how do we teach that to the next generation? And so if you're not a childearing woman or you don't have a child that you're raising, hi, I see you. I still got so much listening to this episode and being in it, and I really hope it's helpful for you, and also please share it with a friend who needs it. All right. Here is Traci Peterson. 


All right, Be Ii babe, this is gonna be just a delightful combo, because we already have spent time talking before we hit record. Tracy Peterson is our guest today, and she is a dear friend who I was introduced through you Jessica Papineau. Pretty sure she introduced us and then we got to hug each other in real life in Nashville multiple times as part of an amazing group of BBG, but Traci, you have this wonderful mission. And I hear a lot of people's missions, but whenever you say what your mission is, I 100% believe it will happen the way you desire it to happen. I can feel it in your bones. It doesn't feel fake, it doesn't feel forced. It feels so like it's coming from you in such an authentic place. So why don't you tell everyone who you are and what you're rocking at? 


Traci Peterson 2:31  

Yes, oh my gosh, you're just the sweetest. And I wish I could just give you a big old squeeze right now. Yes. So my mission, what I'm here to do is to help high-performing women and their daughters between the ages of nine and 12 to overcome self-criticism by looking inward and upward for their validation. And all of this started was because I didn't necessarily have that. I think from the outside looking in, people can look at somebody who seems really confident, who seems like they have their life together, they have all the accolades, they have all the accomplishments. But what I am here to tell you is most of the time those women are some of the most insecure people, because I was one, and I have moments where I am one still, and I just got really clear that there were just some patterns of thinking, some of it was generational, and I just hit a point where I knew I didn't want that for myself, but more than not wanting it for myself, I didn't want that for my daughter, and that's when I knew things had to change, and it really all came to a head when my daughter, she's 11 now, she was nine at the time, she came to me, while she didn't come to me, it was just regular after school, you know, hustle and bustle, I was standing at the counter doing dishes or at the sink, she was sitting at the counter and I was doing dishes, and I remember her vividly saying, at the ripe old age of nine years old, Mom, can we do woman lessons? And I was like, woman lesson. Sure. What do you want to know? I'm a woman. We can do lessons. What does that mean to you? And she said, Lesley, so thoughtfully, and I will seriously remember this for the rest of my life. She sighed, and she paused, and she so thoughtfully, said, I need to learn how to put together an outfit. I want to learn how to do my makeup, and I need to learn how to cook. And I was like, that is so sweet. And then in my brain, that high-performing, hyperachieving perfectionist, people-pleasing woman was like, is that all that she thinks that a woman is? Is it what we look like and what we do? And then I was like, is that all that I'm modeling for her to be? And that's when I started getting introspective. And I was like, what are those lessons? What are those things that I want her to learn sooner than I did, to save her the suffering, the struggle, the self-criticism, the self-judgment, the judgment of others, the self-doubt, the people-pleasing, like I want her to learn all of those things earlier so that she can avoid some of that pain that I had to go through. So that's really where it all got started. 


Lesley Logan 5:22  

I think it's like, I don't have any children, but the people around us mirror things to us, even if they're not your child. Like people say things and then the way you respond, and then you're like, hold on, what am I putting off there? Like, how did that happen? And I think we can be curious about that. And it's really cool that your curiosity led you to kind of going, okay, what can we do here? And how can we do this? And I guess it's been two years since that conversation. I want to hear a little bit more about what that has turned into in these two years. But then also, it's kind of hard to start something from scratch.


Traci Peterson 5:53  

Totally. 


Lesley Logan 5:54  

To have a big vision, and then to start it from scratch. So tell us a little bit, what did that curiosity in your mind, of like, what could this be for her? What did that turn into? And then a little bit of your mindset about how it's going. 


Traci Peterson 6:04  

Yeah, no, that's such a great question. What it turned into in that moment? And I called those one minute moments, because I feel like, just like you said, our children are our little mirrors. They are. They're just mirroring and reflecting back to us where we're at. And little did I know at that time that I needed woman lessons. I needed her to ask me that question, to remind myself and to take just a moment to think how far I've come and what I've learned up until that point. And then what legacy do I want to leave behind when I'm not here. And so I really started getting introspective. And I said what are those lessons that I had to learn? And some of them I had to learn the hard way. Most of the time we have to learn, you know, things the hard way. And so I created, and I came up with these seven woman lessons to look inward and upward for your validation. So you're not finding your value or your worth or your validation from any other person than from yourself and from your relationship with your Creator. And for me, that's God. So my relationship with God, my relationship with myself, that should be paramount. That should be first and foremost who I look to for guidance, right? 


And so the seven woman lessons that I organized is remember who you are and whose you are, gratitude grounds, own your divine gift, be selfmore, not selfless, you are more than your body, community counts, and live in your potential. Those are the themes as a woman that I had to go through to get to that point of where I was in my life, and I still need to be reminded of those every single day in my life, throughout the course of my life. And then it just started this big vision of what I really wanted to create, and so I wanted to create this container for mothers and daughters where they could come and personally develop together. Because I feel like, to your point of our children being little mirrors and other people being little mirrors of ourselves, I feel like mothers are so well-intentioned, but we inadvertently project our insecurities onto our daughters. 


Lesley Logan 8:26  

Oh yes, and my mom is probably listening, so yes, Mom, you did. And it's okay, because your mom did it to you.


Traci Peterson 8:36  

And I think that that's the whole point, right? It's like we all inadvertently project our insecurities onto that next generation. The way that we avoid that is by constantly progressing. It's constantly being reminded and working on remembering who you are divinely, who God created you to be. It's working on owning your divine gifts and not comparing them with other people, just being more of an observer, right? You don't need to personalize and internalize those things, because, you know, women, we oftentimes tend to compare ourselves to others, and so it's just sitting. 


Lesley Logan 9:15  

And we compare ourselves, sorry to cut you off, we compare ourselves because our parents compared us to others. She's being quiet. She's not bragging, and I don't think it was on purpose to be negative or harmful. It's like trying to set an example so that we could be better humans. But in doing that, it creates a comparison. Oh, I do need to be more quiet like Sally is, and I need to study more like Mary does, and I need to be more clean like my sister is, and so you just become I gotta be all of the things. But I love that. It's like owning your own divine gifts and observing others allows us to go, I'm so good at this, and they're so good at that, and I need that so I can just ask them for help.


Traci Peterson 9:56  

Yes. 


Lesley Logan 9:56  

I don't need to learn that. 


Traci Peterson 9:58  

Yeah. And you know that I think, Lesley, that also comes back to this idea of oftentimes, we also objectify our children, right? Because they're a reflection, at least as parents, we think that they're a reflection of our parenting, they're a reflection of who we are. We're either a good parent or a bad parent, depending on what our children choose or depending on how our children turn out, when, in reality, I believe that our goal should be, as a parent, is helping our child who came pre-wired and pre-determined with certain divine gifts, helping them discover that divine gift, to multiply that divine gift, magnify that divine gift and use that gift in the service of others. And their divine gift isn't what yours is. They're not just going to be this little mini version of yourself and walk in your footsteps and do as you did. And I think that's where true confidence comes from. It's a self assurance. And it's a self trust. And the only way you get to that point is when you help mentor them into their own self trust. And by saying this character trait about you is so unique and it's so special to you, and I love that you're not like so and so I love that you're not like your brother doing this and that, right? And it reminds me of a time, well, ever since I was really, really young, I was celebrated for just some natural leadership abilities that I had, where, even as little as third grade I remember, like, giving speeches and leading tours at my school for superintendent heads of education, and that carried on until I was student body president. I got elected student body president my ninth grade year, and I remember being so excited and walking up behind my group of friends. I'm making air quotes, if you're listening to the podcast, I'm making air quotes my group of friends, and they didn't know that I was there. And I remember walking up to them and hearing them say, Traci thinks she's so great. I didn't even vote for her, anyway. I don't think she's so this and so that, which just ripped me wide open. And I remember going home looking for solace, looking for empathy, right? Even sympathy. And I remember going to my mom and saying hey Mom, why do these girls not like me? Why do these girls have a hard time with me? They're supposed to be my friends. And she said to me, well, we've been talking, and you're too bossy, you're too confident, you're too loud, and it makes people feel uncomfortable. 


Lesley Logan 12:41  

Oh and oh, I'm like, I'm heartbroken for you, because she just validated what they said and not.


Traci Peterson 12:47  

Yes and didn't validate my divine gifts that I was celebrated for all through growing up. Right? I was celebrated for being, quote, bossy, which I feel like is getting stuff done being a master delegator. 


Lesley Logan 13:02  

Well, they always call girls bossy and they call a boy leader. So that's just the thing. 


Traci Peterson 13:06  

Right? 


Lesley Logan 13:07  

You know, there are bossy people out there. My sister, sorry, Lacey, you are listening, was a little bit of a bossy person, but she was like, nope, I'm in charge. And there's ways of coaching. Like, hey, the way you said that, it's a little bit, we love the leadership role you're trying to take. There's other ways to say the same thing. But oh, oh my God, that's so hard.


Traci Peterson 13:26  

I know so hard, because that's the thing you can move people into action. And this thing that I was celebrated for, I was so confused in that moment as this 14-year-old girl, right? Like, wait a minute. So all of these divine gifts that I've been celebrated for up until this point, something's wrong with them, which means something's wrong with me, which means now it's my job to make other people feel comfortable. The thing that those girls were saying or thinking about me matters more than what I feel and think about myself. And so that sort of perpetuated, you know, this.


Lesley Logan 14:08  

Instant insecurity. 


Traci Peterson 14:09  

Instant. 


Lesley Logan 14:10  

Thank you for sharing this story. I mean, it's those little things. And look, no one is perfect, so I'm not here to, like, game up on your mom, but it's the, it's just those little moments of just a different way of saying something could have changed everything. But since that went that way, coming full circle to when your daughter was like, I want to do women lessons, and you're like, that's what you think. Am I doing that? I think all of us, women, even the most confident ones, have moments of insecurity, because it's, you know, it's the thing that you are so worried that people are going to say, I worry so much as a writer about my grammar. And of course, the first negative comment I got on my book was like, this is a great book, but the poor punctuation was distracting. It took me 48 hours of just like hearing that in my head over and over again to finally get angry enough to go it's a good thing I'm not an English major teaching you English. This book is about Pilates business. So take the business stuff out of it. And, you know, add your commas where you need to.


Traci Peterson 15:03  

And isn't that crazy that that is natural, human nature, that we don't hold on to the 15,000 positive comments, (inaudible) but one. One negative.


Lesley Logan 15:14  

Yes, we do. We totally do that. This is the story that you remember about your freshman year. I'm sure there was all these other great people around who were not your in air quotes, friends, because whatever, there's people by you, but they voted for you. We don't remember that those people voted for you, or that those people like that you were bossy and a leader and all these things. It's, we do hang on to that, and there's scientific reasons for this, but it is something that I'm sure that I listen to those seven things we're talking about with being this divine woman. If you and your mother-daughter movement can actually teach the moms this help them with their own insecurities, then the way they raise their daughters can actually change. And to go, you know, not everyone's gonna like you. That's okay, because not everyone's gonna like this gift you have. But the only way to say that is to be able to own your own gifts and know that not everyone's gonna like you.


Traci Peterson 16:03  

Yes, yes. And that's exactly it. All that I wish, all that I wish, looking back, that I wish you would have done in that moment, is to say, oh, Trace, I'm so sorry. That can be so hard when people say things like that. But listen, not everybody is going to understand your gifts and celebrate them. Those are not your people. Those are not your people. And I promise you that as you step into those gifts, as you develop them, as you multiply them, as you magnify them, your people will be attracted to you, and those will be your people. It may be a lonely road, and you may only have just a super small group of people that get you, but hold on to those people, because they get you, but not everybody will. And that's okay. That's okay. And just know I get you. I see your gifts. God sees your gifts, because he gave those to you and he entrusted you with those. Go and shine them bright for other people, but not everybody is your people, and that's okay. And it took me, Lesley, until I was 35 years old, to find my people. It took me until I was 35 I mean, 20 years. 


Lesley Logan 17:12  

You know what? Here's the thing. That to me, sounds normal. I listen to (inaudible) podcast. It's like a Q&A podcast. And I'm sure there's other podcasts that are like this. I've even heard on (inaudible), the women who write in, who talk about the friend that they've had forever who's causing problems with the wedding that they want to have or where they want to have it. And she's like, you know, we don't have to keep people around forever. This friend doesn't sound like a friend if they're getting mad about these things. And it's this weird, interesting thing where we think we have to keep the friends we had forever, and there's something wrong with us if we didn't. But to me, if you found your people at 35 that's freaking cool, because first of all, our frontal part of our brain doesn't even develop you guys until you're in your early 20s. So yeah, that's another episode to talk about. Our children, actually adults at 18, because the brain doesn't develop till it so that was nine years of having this full brain and figuring out who you are and finding those people. I think that's really cool, because I moved several times. I moved to go to college, and I had to find people, and I didn't ever really felt like I belonged there. Then I moved again to LA, and I worked at this really cool place, and I had great acquaintances who I hung out with, but I never really felt like I could tell them everything. And then, after five years of dating this one guy, when I broke up with him, I lost everyone, lost everyone, and I was 30 years old, couch surfing off clients and like acquaintances couches, but that's when I learned who my people were, the people who opened up doors for me, people who didn't think I was crazy for leaving someone who wasn't right for me, the people like the fact that I lost friends who weren't even his friends when I left him, I was like, oh, you just liked inviting the couple over. You didn't actually like the me. And so I have some amazing, badass women who are in my life that I met between 32 and 41. So I hope that if when listening, you're hearing that that trace and I were like 30 something before we found good people. And so if you're like, I'm alone, and you're in that 30 to something, 40 range, your people are out there. They're also waiting to find you, and they want someone who sees their gifts, and they want to see your gifts. You talked about knowing who you are, right? So to create this mother daughter movement, what did you do for yourself? Because I guess, like even coming up with these lessons, what did you have to learn about yourself to know what you learned? 


Traci Peterson 19:39  

Yeah, that's a really good question. And I think because right around that age of 35 is when I really stepped into entrepreneurship. So I really had to get over what people thought of me, because you have to consider like, up until that point, I was, like, a total people-pleaser, right? And so I went to school, I got a master's degree I was a nurse practitioner, like really accomplished in a lot of different things, sing the national anthem at sporting events, outward accolades to try to find my worth, because I had this whole big thinking that something was wrong with me, right? So I had to collect all these accolades in order to try to make me feel like I had value, or I was worthy of it, or that I felt like I was enough, like that I was good enough. And so it really started when I stepped into entrepreneurship. Because when you step into entrepreneurship and just putting yourself out there, even from a sales perspective, you really have to develop patterns and habits and systems and structure. And that's really when I stepped into personal development a lot. And I didn't even know the personal development world even existed, which is crazy, like at 35 being, you know, having, like, a master's degree and being educated. I had no idea. And I had to just really stop caring what they said. You know, I think the they in our lives can really derail our lives if we allow them to. Because it's like, what will they say? What will they think? And it's like, who are the they anyway? 


Lesley Logan 21:15  

That is the best question. Who are the they, because if you can actually give the they a name, you actually realize that person's never gonna buy from me, that person's never gonna be my friend. So why do I care what they, that person, that specific person thinks? But we put a there and allows us to, like, procrastinate and figure out more things that are wrong with ourselves.


Traci Peterson 21:35  

Yeah, and what if the day was that one little editor who gave your opinion, you're like, well, wait a minute, that editor isn't even in my target audience. I don't even care, and he's not my person. You know? It really, truly doesn't matter. But when I got to this point, when I was laying out these woman lessons, some of them came to me pretty quickly, because actually, to my mother's credit, one thing that she did really teach me and teach me well was she always would say before I left the house, Tracy, remember who you are when I was young, young, young. She would say it. When I was running out the door with friends in high school. It's like, Tracy, remember who you are. And it was just that one minute moment that made me stop and think, who am I? Who do I want to be? Who am I becoming? She gave that to me. Even remember who you are as I was going off to college, right? Remember who you are as I went through a divorce. It was all of those things. Remember who you are. So that came really easy, the strategy that gratitude grounds you, that came through that entrepreneurial process. It's not living in the past and reliving some negative things that you don't have necessarily control over. It's not worrying about the future that you have very little to say with, like, oh my gosh, what it is to come, you can't foresee the future. So why live in an anxiety type mindset in the future? You just need to be grounded in gratitude in the present. And I think as high-performing women, sometimes we're always focusing on the future, because it's like, what's our next goal? What's our next accomplishment? What's the next thing we're working on? That when I talk with high-performing women, they're like, I just want to feel present. And I think that's probably what Pilates gives. You're finally grounded in your body, and you're living in the present moment. There's nothing in the past, there's nothing in the future. There's only the here and now. And that shifted everything, and it brings you in touch and in tune with your body, which I think a lot of times women get so disconnected from what their body is telling them that it just gives them a moment to do that. We talked about owning your divine gifts. That comes into that story that I shared with you is not wanting my gifts to be anybody else's. But I believe that sometimes those labels that we're given, whether we're given those by peers. I mean, we all know that one kid in school, right who said something about my thumbs like somebody said that I have ski jump thumbs. And so for years I walked around like, tucking my thumbs in. You know, it's like (inaudible). 


Lesley Logan 24:06  

I forgot a girl called me a really terrible word name about my lips. So I walked around like this with my lips in. And my dad was like, what are you doing? Because I was walking around like this, and I told him, and the thing that he said back was also not great, so I couldn't repeat that to her either, so it wasn't helpful, but it's really funny, because it became such a thing that I was so conscious of, but it's that thing that everyone loves about me, so, like, it's this weird thing that people pick up on, oh my God. I worked at the store, and this guy came in to the store and goes, oh my God, you know who you look like? You look like Marilyn Manson, that's what he said to me. And I was like, okay, thanks. What do you say to that? Right? A year later, I'm having a really bad day. My AC broke in my car. I'm driving home. I'm in traffic, my windows rolled down, and this girl goes, oh my God, you look like Marilyn Manson, I swear to God. How is it even possible? Wasn't even possible when, also I got so many compliments about how beautiful I was all the time. But do I remember who told me I was beautiful? No. I only remember the girl in the car and this other person. And so it's this really funny thing, and we make ourselves smaller. You hide your thumbs. I hid my lips because of these weird labels people gave us that are not the labels we were actually born with, divinely given, and that we own, you know?


Traci Peterson 25:28  

Exactly. And I think that the labels oftentimes that we're given can be so limiting, but we can actually become liberated from them if we just reframe them. So whether you're bossy, right? I'm just a master delegator. If you've been told as a woman, oh, you're too emotional. No, you're just incredibly empathetic. If we can just reframe some of these labels, we can actually become liberated from them. 


Lesley Logan 25:54  

We need expert marketers to take the labels. So I bet you between chatGPT and other thing. And the different thesauruses, everyone. We can come up with different labels with the thing that you have been told is your downfall, which is really the thing that you're so unique. The only reason people want you to take it down is because it's shining too bright. 


Traci Peterson 26:15  

Yes, exactly. It's shining too bright. And something that I say is that the world sees your different as difficult, but God sees your different as divine. He gave you those beautiful, luscious lips for a reason, right? It's a defining characteristic of you. When I think of you, I think of your beautiful lips with your bright pink lip color, that is your uniqueness. That is part of I mean, I don't know if you think it is, but it is. It's a part of your brand. It's a part of who you are. And so the thing that somebody is labeling that makes you difficult or hard or different is actually what makes you unique and divine. And so working through some of those things. And just in the vein of the reframing, one of the most difficult lessons that I actually avoided putting in for a really long time, it's because it was a big behemoth. Nobody knows how to talk about it, and that was you're more than your body. And it probably is the one that was my biggest hurdle, my biggest sticking point, and I think it's because I had tackled and conquered and overcome all of the other things like be selfmore, not selfless. Is like making yourself a priority, becoming the biggest, best and brightest version of yourself, and not limiting yourself or playing small, right? It's identifying what your boundaries are, and not just making boundaries, but keeping them. And I think people have a hard time keeping them. I've done that. I mastered that. I conquered that beast that you are more than your body.


Lesley Logan 27:55  

That is hard for so many levels of so many things. Because I'm thinking of my friends who, like, absolutely fucking love their bodies, and they actually use their bodies to market. That's their thing. They're not shallow about they love their body so much. But also, as a Pilates instructor, I never market that I'm gonna help you lose weight, or anything like what you're gonna look like, or that you're gonna have a Pilates body. Because everybody is a Pilates body. We all have different bodies. But also, I remember my husband and I were in a motorcycle accident. Somebody stopped short, and I fell off the motorcycle, and the first thing I thought was like, oh, my God, am I (inaudible) work? Because my body, right? There's the look of the body, there's the feeling of the body, there's the that is. 


Traci Peterson 28:37  

The functionality of the body. 


Lesley Logan 28:38  

That is a behemoth. I think that would take me the rest of my life.


Traci Peterson 28:42  

Yeah, and honestly, I was afraid of it. And if I'm being completely honest with you, when I was developing some of this curriculum, I was still in it, like I was still in it, the turning point for me was when I woke up one morning and I remember lying in my bed and my eyes opened, and the first thing I did was lift up my shirt to look at my stomach, because that was always my indicator. It's body checking. It's an eating disorder component where you body check, and I would know, depending on how my stomach looked, was I good yesterday, or was I bad yesterday, looking down at my stomach and standing up and the barrage of self-criticism, negativity, self-loathing that was on replay in my brain. I was like, whoa. I would never, ever and as a mother, it makes me emotional, because I would never, ever talk to my daughter that way. I would never let my friend talk to herself like that and speak to herself that way. So why was it okay for me to talk to myself that way? And that's when I knew that the thing that you want to avoid in your life is the thing that you have to walk through. You have to go through it. You have to barrel through it, bust through it. You can't avoid it. You can't go around it. You have to go through it in order to grow, and in order to help other people. And I know I'm not the only one, it was that point where I was like, okay, I'm going to tackle this. I'm going to tackle my relationship with my body, I'm going to tackle my relationship with food. And from the outside in, nobody would think that I ever had body issues.


Lesley Logan 30:29  

Those of us who had them, and then we think we've worked it out, are very good at hiding those things. 


Traci Peterson 30:35  

Oh, for sure. 


Lesley Logan 30:36  

So that's how you know, but you still have it, because you're still doing it, but you're so good at hiding it. 


Traci Peterson 30:40  

Oh, yeah for sure. And I mean, good heavens. Lesley, I went on my first diet when I was 15 years old. 15 years old. 115 pounds. I was 115 pounds when I came to my mom, and I said, Mom, I want to feel comfortable and confident for my dance that's coming up in three weeks. How can I do that? And my mom, she was just doing what she was taught. She said well, I can make bigger salads. And so I went on my first diet and started eating more salads. Why? Because that's what I saw her do. Three weeks before any event or anything she would diet. That's what she saw her mom do, any time before a big event, she would diet.


Lesley Logan 31:24  

And also, every magazine we've gone through all this stuff, and even to this day, my publicist no longer sends them to me anymore because she knows it just makes me angry. They're like, what are three Pilates exercises you could do to burn belly fat? I'm like, you can't do any, zero, none. I don't know your hormones, I don't know what you're eating. I don't know what your genetic predisposition is. And also, like, you don't spot-train, but every magazine for decades that was shoved in women's faces, your mom, your grandma, it is generational, and so it is a behemoth. And so I can understand why it'd be the last thing you'd attack. Because really, if you attack that first, you still wouldn't have mother daughter lessons yet, because you'd be still there. Because go to the other stuff first to build the confidence to even get to that point.


Traci Peterson 32:07  

Totally and that's the thing is I went on this two-year journey where I had to just get really honest with myself and look at myself in the mirror. But it wasn't going to stop me from moving forward, because it was through that process of and here's the thing, so going through the thing that you don't want to do, I intentionally put on weight, like I intentionally went into a build and it was the theme that I was the most scared of. I feared it so bad. I feared gaining weight. I feared getting fat. I feared that for whatever reason. And I did it in a controlled way, with the plan, with the program to put on muscle, but it required a total brain F, like it was just a total opposite way of thinking, where my entire life was. I step on the scale, and it must be lower. And my goal for this was I needed to step on this scale and weigh more, and that meant success. That meant that I was following the plan. That meant that I was moving towards my goals. And I did it. I did a 13-month build with a coach, and it was so amazing. But my goal was not just to put on weight. My goal, ultimately, at the end of it Lesley, was to love my body at every stage. That was my goal. My goal wasn't 16% body fat 18, but whatever it was, it was, I want to learn to love my body at every single stage. Because my body is not necessarily going to be in this form when I'm 60 years old or 70 years old. Now that doesn't mean it's a friggin free for all. And I also push back against some of that, because I was told earlier in my life, oh, once you have kids say goodbye to your six pack, your body will never be the same. This is all programming and projection that people put on you right? You have the power. You have the power to decide what you want your body to look like, how you want your body to feel, how you want to function. It's a choice. It's an absolute choice. But I went through this to learn to love my body at every single stage, and I will never forget the last four weeks of my programming, 13 months in, like, just going for it and talk about reframing right, labels becoming limits. I gained 13 pounds, which is a, I mean, that's a lot on a 5'5" frame. I was juicy. I wasn't fat, like I had to reframe, right? I was juicy. And I have to tell you, my little eight year old son would come and pat my butt every day. He's like, Oh, mommy, you're bummed, you know? And it was like, so funny. I was like, I was juicy. He was loving the juice. But anyway, and my husband do, not just my little eight year old son, but I remember at the end of these four weeks, you know, they talk about gains, right? Because we were lifting like I was trying to put on muscle, but you have to put on a little bit of fat to do that, but I was trying to put on muscle. And the biggest gains that I had in the last four weeks had nothing to do with my physicality and had everything to do with my mentality, because I was going on a cruise with my daughter, and it was the first time in my entire life that I wasn't the leanest one on the trip, that I didn't have my six pack. And I had a decision. I had to decide, because that was my identity, that's who I always was, right? And I had to decide, am I going to hide? Am I going to cover up? Am I not going to be in pictures? Because I quote-unquote, don't feel like my best self, or don't feel as confident in my skin per se. I had to make a conscious decision, because I know that I am more than my body, my spirit is bigger than any vessel that I could be wearing for whatever reason, because there may come a point in my life when I'm sick and I can't exercise, or I'm injured or and I can't and I can only do whatever it is that I can do. And I remember going on that trip and I wore all the swimming suits. I made it a point to take every single picture. Why? Because I would want my daughter to do the same thing. And I wanted my daughter to see that I can have just as much confidence in myself being 13 pounds heavier or 13 pounds lighter, and it doesn't change who I am. It doesn't change my value. It doesn't change how I show up with other people in conversations or on a cruise, and we did all the water slides and the tallest water slide in the world, and all those things together. And I know somebody listening might be like, man, like we're kind of talking a lot about bodies, you know, but for me, that was a turning point in my life.


Lesley Logan 36:58  

Well. And here's the thing, like, if that's not their behemoth, then of the other six things that you have, it might be something different for someone else. Maybe they grew up in a family where they were always more than their bodies. I'm thinking back to you guys to listen to the episodes with Jenny Schatzle. She is all about changing the conversation, and she's like, wear the damn bathing suit. Just wear it. Just wear it. Don't miss out on life and experiences because of, like, where you are on the scale. And she always she also has a thing where she's like, don't miss out on 95% of life to weigh five pounds less. So I hear you, because that would be a behemoth for me than the journey that I've had. So I feel much better about being more than my body today at 41 but it took me a long time. And so for those who are like, that's not you, go back and listen to the other things she said and see which one is harder, because that might be your behemoth. And I think it's okay to put at the end, so that you can get the confidence of all the other things, of who you are and what you are, and being selfmore, and maybe being selfmore is your behemoth. But doing all that, I think it's beautiful. I mean, we could talk for hours, because I think it's really beautiful what you're doing. And I do think like changing the next generation comes from changing the generation that you are now. How the parents are raising the children is what the children are going to take out there. So anyways, we're going to quickly take a break and then find out where people can find you, follow you, work with you and your Be It Action Items. 


All right, Traci, where can they get this list and more information so that they can work on this for themselves? 


Traci Peterson 38:26  

Yes, oh my goodness. So I'm going to give anybody who wants it access to a proven method to regenerate your energy and learn to make better boundaries and keep those boundaries. So it's called My Energy Generator Guide. So we'll include that in the show notes. But you can also go to Tracipeterson.com so Traci's with an I, Peterson's with an O-N and get all the information about our mother daughter retreats coming up that we do. If you're a high-performing mom with a daughter between the ages of nine and 12, we would love to see you. We do our events out in Utah. It's gorgeous. It's beautiful. We have an event in June. I know by the time this airs, we'll have our next one coming up in June. So we would love, love, love to see you. But also, on my podcast, we have a podcast called Woman Lessons podcast, how to be and raise a truly confident woman. So I love, Lesley, I just love your platform. I mean, you have to, you know, see it to be it. And going back to what you just said before, I believe that the greatest gift we can give our children is the gift of a mother who believes in herself and goes after her dreams. 


Lesley Logan 39:33  

1000% 1000%. 


So the bold, executable, intrinsic target steps it can take to be it till we see it. I mean, if you're a mom, it's that. But what other tips do you have for us?


Traci Peterson 39:50  

Well, in that Energy Generator Guide that you can find down in the show notes, it is a step by step guide for you to go through. Because if you've ever felt overwhelmed, if you felt burnt out as a mom, this guide literally walks you through step by step by step. So it talks about writing down your top three values and how to get to those in a very succinct manner, and then calendaring those into your calendar. And then three, this is the sticker, is how to have a conversation with your family, with your spouse, with your children, about your said values. Because sometimes I think we know what we value, or, hey, we want to go to the gym again, so I'm going to the gym. But there's conversations that sometimes need to happen, explaining the why behind why you're doing it, so that you can get those people on board. And what's awesome about this energy generator guide is you can then turn around and do it for your daughters. They can walk through it, identifying their top three values. And guess what Moms, it's going to be surprising, because they might be doing some things that they don't really love because they just think you want them to, and it's really not serving them best. And so it opens up that doorway of how to have that conversation. And we call it a values check in. It's like a key statement, Hey, Mom, can we do a values check in? And it's, what is your calendar look like? What activities are we involved in and are these serving you on a higher level? And if they're not, what adjustments do we need to make in order for you to be living in alignment with those values? Because that's how they're going to feel fulfilled and happy, and that's how you're going to feel fulfilled and happy as a woman, and you want to make sure to pass that right along to them, but it's very much like a sequential step by step, and it might feel a little robotic at first, and that's okay, because many of us have never even done it before. Many of us don't even think that we deserve to take time to do something for ourselves. And so it really lines it out beautifully and in a succinct, actionable way. But it's a whole worksheet. Literally, it's the entire it's not only the worksheet, but it's five different steps in a worksheet format. So you can literally do it right away. 


Lesley Logan 42:09  

Oh, I love all these things, and I think this is so fun. So thank you for this vulnerable, authentic conversation. I feel like there's a lot of women, even if they're not moms, like nodding along. So hey, ladies, you have to share this with your mom friends. This is how they need to hear this. And even if you don't have daughters, like, check in with your values and make sure they're in your calendar like that is something I say all the time. So that is how you be it till you see it, by the way. If your values are not in your calendar, you will not see any of the things you want to be it doesn't work like that. So Traci, thank you so much. Everyone, share this podcast with a friend who needs it, and then make sure that you let Tracy know what your takeaways were. Tag her on Instagram. Tag the Be It Pod. We can't wait to hear how you be it till you see it. And thank you so much. 


That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.



Brad Crowell 43:35  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.



Lesley Logan 43:40  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.



Brad Crowell 43:44  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.


Lesley Logan 43:51  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.


Brad Crowell 43:54  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.



Transcribed by https://otter.ai



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