733. Reclaim Yourself: Stop Performing and Start Being

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36:14

Peter Kolat spent years saying yes to everyone and quietly losing himself in the process. A transformational coach and author, he tells Lesley Logan how a divorce and what he calls his optimistic depression became the turning point that rebuilt his life. Peter breaks down how to catch people-pleasing in the act, write a one-page vision that protects your priorities, and get honest about who you actually need to become. This one is for anyone tired of performing and ready to just be themselves.


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In this episode you will learn about:

  • The belief that life happens for you rather than against you.
  • Reading the difference between a fear-driven stop and a real pivot.
  • The hidden cost people-pleasing carries into your closest relationships.
  • Writing a one-page life vision that protects your real priorities.
  • Asking the sobering question that reveals who you must become next.


Episode References/Links:


Guest Bio:

Peter Kolat is a transformational coach, speaker, and author who helps people uncover the quiet beliefs holding them back and rebuild on more honest ground. Known as "Polish Peter," he arrived in the U.S. from Poland at 14 with no English, trained as an architect, and later moved into coaching after a personal and financial turning point reshaped his path. Today he's recognized for a direct, no-nonsense style and a talent for naming the limiting beliefs people can't see in themselves. A Robbins-Madanes certified coach, Peter has spoken at more than 100 live events and authored The Authentic Self Rebirth. He co-hosts The Lifeonaire Show and leads a national coaching company.

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Episode Transcript:

Polish Peter Kolat 0:00  

Here's the thing: sign. You say yes to everything and everyone except for the things that are most important to you. I know deep down inside. You do know deep down inside. I know I should not be saying yes, but I'm saying yes, right? And what ends up happening most of the time? The people who are closest to you get hurt the most.


Lesley Logan 0:19  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 


Lesley Logan 1:02  

You guys, I'm excited for this conversation. It's really fun. We got to talk a lot of things. We got to talk about rock bottoms, divorce, finding a partner, authenticity, true authenticity, people pleasing. My people pleasers, you know, hear this podcast. It's so good. So Polish Peter is our guest today. He is an author of a book you're gonna want to read, especially if you are, ah, I know I need to be authentic, but authenticity been ruined. We just have a really great conversation around that, and I think this is really going to help those who are feeling a little stuck. Those need a reminder to keep going. Those of you who've just kind of lost the way or have been, why is this happening to me? All great stuff in this episode. So here is Polish Peter. All right, be babe. I'm really excited. This is gonna be a fun conversation. I already know because I've already talked to this person before, and we're just gonna get into it. Polish Peter, who are you? What do you rock at? Well, are you Polish Peter? Is that your formal name? Should we give a last name, or we just go by Polish Peter? 


Polish Peter Kolat 1:55  

No, there is a last name. It's called Kolat, Peter Kolat. But what ended up happening over the years in my industry, I've been now coaching people and things like that, I've been referred to as Polish Tony, like in regards to Tony Robbins, and then the kind of Polish Peter kind of stuck with me. So that's how it just happened like that.


Lesley Logan 2:11  

I love it. You know, that's how nicknames come about. I used to always go by my last name, and then people just called me LL, and I was going do I want to be LL, and actually, I do. It's like a whole alter ego. I step into a different power. It's super fun. So you're an inspiration. How did we get here? How did that happen? Did you always be someone who was inspiring, like a Tony Robbins, or was there a journey that got you there?


Polish Peter Kolat 2:34  

No, I drank some Kool-Aid. No, I think it was. I mean, I think my whole life. I think there was something that I thought I was something bigger than I was meant for something bigger. I don't know. There was some kind of innate kind of a feeling that I wasn't meant to work for someone else. It was always something that I needed to know, do my own path, kind of a thing. So I think there was always something like that. And the more I started, especially after 2011, I went more into this, because people kept telling me, "Listen, I think you should be a coach. I think you should be the person who's speaking to people because of who you are, your story. I think would benefit a lot of people." And when you start looking from that perspective, you start to, okay, let's do it. Let's try it on. See how it happens.


Lesley Logan 3:20  

Yeah, I think we're all meant to step into something bigger than ourselves, and some of us follow that calling, and some of us get stuck. So, do you feel like you did something uniquely different that you didn't get stuck like other people? Was it scary to try to do something bigger than you? What was the journey there?


Polish Peter Kolat 3:38  

Yeah, I mean that's a really good question. I think that is true. People do get sometimes stuck, and I think for me it was. Think about it this way: every single person in the world has some kind of a story, right? And I don't think these stories are meant to just die. I think the stories are meant to you help other people on their journey because my circumstances might be completely different, but maybe sharing my story with you maybe will help you give you some kind of different impact that you are going to make different choices in life or inspire you or whatever might be. So I think we're all called to do that. Now I think it kept me going is couple of beliefs that I have. One, I have a belief that life happens for me, not to me. So if life happens for me, not to me, then there must be something behind that. You know what I mean, that drives me. The other thing I have this belief that, and sometimes that helped me, sometimes it didn't really help me, is that I don't quit. I don't quit very easily. And what ended up happening, I when I sometimes talk to my students, and this is not the best of analogies, but at some point I came up with, and I just keep using it. Imagine if you're standing in front of a drywall and you're banging against the wall, something is going to give. Either you're going to stop banging your head against the wall, or the drywall is going to break through.


Lesley Logan 4:52  

Yeah. 


Polish Peter Kolat 4:53  

And when you start looking, not giving up, maybe sometimes you need to pivot a little bit. But if you don't give up in life, I think you will be able to accomplish a lot more and drive you more towards what you've meant to be here on this earth for. You know what I mean? That you go into your calling, sort of speak.


Lesley Logan 5:10  

Yeah, like you just got to keep going. And I do think some people get to a wall and they go, "Oh, this is a sign that I'm not meant to do this." That's what I hear people. "Oh, well, there was that door closed and that door closed. This must not be meant for me, or it's leading you down a hallway. That door, you know what I mean." But so, how do you know if you're supposed to keep going or if you have hit the wall and you're going to break? What's the signs that you look for to keep going?


Polish Peter Kolat 5:39  

That's a really good question. That's one of those things that we all trying to figure it out, right? 


Lesley Logan 5:44  

I was hoping you had the answer. 


Polish Peter Kolat 5:45  

Well, I had the answer, right? I mean, let's bring somebody else in the podcast. Maybe somebody else will know. No, but I think what I've discovered up to this point is this: people, when they stop, why am I stopping? Am I stopping because there is a fear that's driving that decision, right, and worry or whatever might be. If it's some kind of a negative emotion, negative decision, negative something, I think I think that's us just stopping, not because we're not meant to go through that door, and also there might be people around you or things that are happening around you that gives you this pattern that says you're going down the wrong direction. Right? And what ends up happening is the pattern around you says keep going, and you feel like, oh, I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I am ready for this. And all of a sudden you get a call that you want to be speak in front of 10,000 people, and you've spoke in front of 500 at most ever, and this is collectively speaking, you're like, ah, how am I going to do this?


Lesley Logan 6:51  

Yeah. 


Polish Peter Kolat 6:52  

But, you know, maybe this is an opportunity that you've been kind of working towards. So it requires some faith, requires courage, right? So if I think it requires the courage, requires this little bit of a faith. I think that tells you that you're going down the right direction.


Lesley Logan 7:08  

Yeah, yeah. I've had some people go, "I want to speak on these big stages," and but they won't say yes to a stage of 10 people. And it's, well, if you've never spoken in front of 10, it's hard to speak in front of 100. Recently I actually taught a class for over 300 people, and there was some people like, "Oh my god, I want to do that." And you get, yeah, guess what? I had to teach to five people first, and then at some point that got to be 20 people, and then at some point the number was 50, and then this earlier this year, the biggest number of people in one class was 85, and if I hadn't taught the 85, I couldn't have taught 300. I wouldn't know what to do with 300 people. You have to build the muscle up, and I agree. Like there's that. Okay, we have to take a journey back though, because you have a story. So, before you became an optimism, helping coach, inspiring people to find their way. What got you here?


Polish Peter Kolat 7:55  

Well, so I was born in Poland during the communist. Poland was communism at that particular point. Then in '89 got abolished. I came here to United States when I was 14 at '91. Not because I wanted to, it's because my mom was already here, and this was a land of opportunity. Money grows on trees here. By the way, I kid you not, Lesley. I actually, as a kid growing up, I had to believe that there was money trees in here. Imagine my disappointment when I came here. Oh, here's the other thing. One, there is no money trees. There was a different conversation about that. But when I was flying over here to United States at 14 years old on a plane, they played two movies. The first movie was by Eddie Murphy.


Lesley Logan 8:37  

Coming to America? 


Polish Peter Kolat 8:38  

Guess what? Coming to America. Probably complete coincidence, right? Had to be complete coincidence.


Lesley Logan 8:45  

Yeah. 


Polish Peter Kolat 8:45  

And the second one was Eddie Murphy movie as well, and that was Beverly Hills Cop when he was in L.A. Okay?


Lesley Logan 8:53  

Oh my God. 


Polish Peter Kolat 8:54  

So I am resisting coming here, but I'm looking at this movie and I'm, you know what? This might not be so bad. You got palm trees, which, I love palm trees. You got beautiful skies, skyscrapers, sports cars. Right? 


Lesley Logan 9:08  

Where did you end up? Did you end up in Ohio? Did you get to L.A.?


Polish Peter Kolat 9:12  

Well, I ended up in Detroit.


Lesley Logan 9:15  

I don't think there's a palm tree in Detroit. 


Polish Peter Kolat 9:17  

No, there isn't. So imagine my disappointment, right?


Lesley Logan 9:20  

Yeah. Also, in Detroit when they were going down, because I feel like that's about when yeah.


Polish Peter Kolat 9:25  

'91. There was the you know Kilpatrick thing later on and all that kind of stuff, right? So there was the whole discussion, and then you know I went to high school, was learning English because I don't know any English, you know. In fact, I remember thinking to myself, wait a minute, am I Polish or am I polish, right? Because the word looks exactly the same, right? I mean, talk about confusing. I mean, you know, language.


Lesley Logan 9:46  

Yes.


Polish Peter Kolat 9:47  

So got the you know graduate of high school, went to college, got a degree in architecture, which was inspired by my uncle because he built his entire house. Did you know that? And I'm sharing my story. I'm revealing a lot of the belief system right that was driving this thing, my uncle, and so I'm going to architecture. Graduated high school architecture when actually became an architect here in Michigan. I was developing a lot of buildings while I was doing this. Ended up finding my wife, got three kids. After that, we started you know one kid, second kid, third kid, you know. And I in about 2007, I don't know if you remember what happened in 2008, but I saw the writing on the wall here, especially in Michigan, because we got the big three, and I started my own company on the side, and it was a marketing company to be able to help real estate investors and people in real estate, you know, market themselves. So I kind of started seeing the writing on the wall. I went to in about maybe 2009 full time into that, and I started growing this business. Then in 2010, my wife came to me and she said she wants a divorce because guess what? Peter got lost in the entire business. By the way, one of the beliefs that draw of that was the people pleaser. So gotta make sure everybody's happy, right? So there was that conversation, and so after that, for about two years, I went into what I called my optimistic depression. And when I say that, some people get confused. What does that mean? But if you are an optimistic kind of a person, I think you can understand what optimistic depression is, right?


Lesley Logan 11:17  

Yeah, you're like you're constantly thinking there's going to be hope on the other side, but you're depressed on the inside too.


Polish Peter Kolat 11:22  

Well, yes, that and on the inside, I remember asking myself that question: What the hell is wrong with me? Right? Because how is it that my whole world basically like crashed for me? Yeah, kind of thing. You know what I mean? What the hell's wrong with me? And when people come to me, you okay? Everything good? Talk to me. Right? Guess what my answer was. I'm good. I'm good. I'm great. Yeah, yeah, great. Right, and people could see it. So that's the optimistic depression. So during that particular time, I actually went through what I call my awakening, and I've learned a lot about myself. And because of that, that's when I went into a mastermind. That a friend of mine, he's my best friend Jason brought me into this company, (inaudible). Was in the mastermind group, and as I started learning all about myself, that's when people started saying, "Listen, you should be a coach because you have this way of speaking to people and asking the questions. Sort of like they call me Frank because I'll be can be frank with you. I'll be the person who would ask and people what sometimes they need to hear, and that's not what they want to hear. You know what I mean? So that's why it prompted that, and and that's when the kind of a journey started. And here I am today.


Lesley Logan 12:31  

Oh my goodness! Oh, what a journey! That was a difficult time for a lot of people. That 2007, 2008, but also like a lot of great things were born from there. And so it's interesting. Thank you for sharing that. And I just want to go back to the people pleaser part, and then we'll go back to optimistic depression. So we don't want to miss that one. But you mentioned it, and I want to highlight people who are people pleasers. Think, oh, I'm trying to make everybody happy, but in doing that, you make zero people happy, including yourself. And so, can we talk about what should we? What are the signs you're a people pleaser, and how do you stop? Did you stop? Are you still one?


Polish Peter Kolat 13:01  

Yeah. Well, hi. My name is Polish Peter. I'm a recovering people pleaser, right? So, I love your laugh, by the way. I think it's awesome.


Lesley Logan 13:11  

Thanks. 


Polish Peter Kolat 13:12  

So here's the thing: sign. You say yes to everything and everyone except for the things that are most important to you. And you know, deep down inside, you do know deep down inside. I know I should not be saying yes, but I'm saying yes, right? And what ends up happening most of the time? The people who are closest to you get hurt the most, you know, especially you. How do I, you know, deal with that? Well, when I first started this entire process, one of the things I did. I wrote a vision for my life. What I want my life to look like.


Lesley Logan 13:43  

Okay.


Polish Peter Kolat 13:44  

Right. Because nobody ever tells you to write a vision for your life. They tell you to have a business vision and business plan.


Lesley Logan 13:49  

Yeah.


Polish Peter Kolat 13:49  

But nobody tells you to have a vision for your life. So I wrote it out. What does that vision look like? On one piece of paper, in present tense. And then I created a calendar that I started putting pieces from that vision to my calendar, so I started putting things in my calendar to make sure that these spots are not taken up. So, for instance, morning routine that I have in the morning, that's in the calendar. Then I put down 3:30 in the afternoon. I had the gym that I wanted to go hit the gym. Then at 6 o'clock, eat dinner. I actually put that in my calendar. People pleaser, we don't do that. I actually put in my calendar. Then between 10 a.m. and 2:30, 3 o'clock, those are my work hours because what ended up happening after my divorce, I want to make sure that I want to pick up and drop on my kids at school. So you know the drop-offs and pick-ups started like you know 9 a.m. and then I started going and seeing, you know, picking up the kids from school about 2:30, so that was a hard kind of a bounce, right? Hard deadline. And the way I was able to say no to people from that point on is because I knew myself that was going to have a hard time saying no. I would say when someone would ask me, "Hey, can you do this for me?" And I would say, "Well, let me get back to you." I think that's okay for people to say it.


Lesley Logan 15:05  

Yeah. 


Polish Peter Kolat 15:05  

And then I would go, and I would say, hmm, look at my vision. I go, does this align with my vision? Is this going to help me with my vision, or is going to take me further away from my vision? And majority of the time, it would be a no, would be take me away from it. But I would go back and I would say, listen, I would love to do this for you and with you or whatever because I do. That's the people pleaser.


Lesley Logan 15:28  

Yeah.


Polish Peter Kolat 15:28  

However, my vision doesn't allow me to do that.


Lesley Logan 15:31  

Yeah.


Polish Peter Kolat 15:32  

But guess what I did? I blamed it on my vision. I'm no longer the bad guy. The vision is. You know me. And then we had the discussion. But that's how I was able to go and eliminate the whole people pleaser thing.


Lesley Logan 15:42  

I, okay. First of all, everyone who needs to literally write down in your notes, let me get back to you. Thanks for this. Let me get back to you so you can copy and paste it. So it's just you don't even have to think about it because you're gonna think about it and you're gonna overthink it and you're gonna rewrite it 17 times and you're gonna say yes to the thing because that was faster. So love that. And then I do love the blaming. It's not alignment with what's going on right now. I have, you know, every day someone's pestering me for something, and I have just been, oh, this, that's not gonna, I can't add one more thing to the calendar right now. But I love that you thought about me. Thank you so much. And it kills me because it's like, oh my god, I should, I should be doing more of that. I should be doing all the shoulds, right? But I, Polish Peter, you and I are very similar. I definitely think that you have to know who you want to be, where you want to go, and it has to be in your calendar. Absolutely, must be in your calendar because if it's not in your calendar. It does not get done. But of course, you have to put dinner on in your calendar because if it's if you're someone who's I fuel myself, I take care of myself. It's got to be in the calendar, otherwise you won't. Because hello, I'm ADHD, and I just realize why am I so hungry? Oh, I forgot breakfast. I didn't. I didn't look at my calendar this morning. I really appreciate that. You know, there's a course like the master class and the what's her name? Who, The Devil Wears Prada is based on? She has a course and she says she always thanks people for the work that they did, and then she will just say we're moving into a different direction right now. Thank you so much for that. We're moving, so you don't have to explain anything anyway. You tell the people the new direction. You don't have to overexplain yourself. It's just not in alignment with what is happening in this moment. So thanks so much. Okay, so now let's go back to the optimistic depression because how did you get out of just the habit of saying you're good, everything's great, I'm great. How did you get to be someone who who isn't fake because to me that's faking it right. That's not a Be It Till You See It thing. That's a faking. I'm faking being happy because I'm supposed to be happy. So how did you step out of that habit?


Polish Peter Kolat 17:33  

Well, one I had to recognize that I can't hide it. It's impossible to hide it. People can see it because they were coming up to me, so guess what? The people pleaser in me didn't like that, right? Because guess what happens that they can see it. You know what I mean? So that's one. And two, during the whole awakening process, I started looking from all the different beliefs that I've had. Like I said to myself, like what the hell is wrong with me? So my brain went into the conversation. Well, here is the reason what's wrong with you because you got to be very careful the types of questions that you ask yourself because brain is going to give you the answer. Right?


Polish Peter Kolat 18:10  

What kind of answer is it going to give you? Well, the one that satisfied that question and it's going to go back to your past and your circumstances and all those kinds of things going to tell you the answer. So as I started looking from that perspective, I started discovering different beliefs that I formed over my course of the life, and then I ask myself, does this help me to get where I want or is it actually hindering me because are these beliefs from the place of fear, worry, or they're actually from the place of abundance I want to live? So then I discover most of them were not, you know, like the people pleaser. I think it's there is a fear-based kind of a way of living, people pleaser, because for me, one of the big things that I discovered that I wanted to feel important, like I matter, like I'm, you know, someone acknowledging me, those kinds of things. So people pleaser with me will say yes to everybody because I wanted to be the guy, right? At the end, it actually costing me a lot. I started discovering that what's costing me, and then I started basically creating a new belief system. You know, getting back to that authenticity, because if I look from that perspective, think about it: when we were four or five years old, were we fearful? Probably not. Were we curious? Heck yeah, we were. Kids are very curious. They're happy. They're in the moment, right?


Lesley Logan 19:26  

Yeah. 


Polish Peter Kolat 19:27  

They are just full of you know whatever. So what if I just started doing that? You know, I mean, what if I just got back to that basics of it?


Lesley Logan 19:35  

Yeah.


Polish Peter Kolat 19:36  

And I was beginning to be more present, more intentional in life, and I think that's what helped me get out of this thing. Because what ends up happening? Think about people who are depressed. A lot of times, they are never in the present moment. They're in the in the past or in the future.


Lesley Logan 19:50  

Yeah, yeah. 


Polish Peter Kolat 19:52  

So hope that makes sense. 


Lesley Logan 19:53  

It does. It really does. It's, you know, like they say, if you live in the past, you're going to be depressed. If you live in the future, you're going to be anxious. It's really hard to be in the present. It can be hard to unravel those habits of not just people pleasing, but also trying to hold everything together when you know you don't want people to know that it's not all there. So I really appreciate you sharing that because I think it's really helpful. You know, you're obviously in a different place now, and I would love to hear your Be It Till You See It for attracting the partner you have now because it's not easy to go through a divorce and change like that. Like, do you want to dive into that? Because I read your notes and I thought, oh my god, this is so funny! I hit a rock bottom in 2013 and single and no car and no place to live and blah blah blah. And so I was like, okay, if I want to have a great partner in my life, I have to make space for them. And I had to, and I was, I had to work extra because I had no, I had to buy a new car and get a place to live in L.A.. And so I was like, how am I going to add a partner in this life if there's no life in this life? Like there's not space. So what I did was every morning I poured two cups of coffee. I poured one for me and one for the future Brad. I was like, I'm gonna be with someone who drinks coffee, and I'm making coffee in the morning. That's what I'm gonna do. And then I protected Thursday nights. I'm like, okay, Thursday nights I will say yes to nothing except for a potential date. And if on the day of I don't have a date, then I'm gonna do something for myself. But I'm protecting this for the person I want to be with, so that I can actually go on a date to meet someone. So, what about you? How did you? How did you become someone who could have someone in your life?


Polish Peter Kolat 21:29  

Yeah, I love that. By the way, the little things that you did. By the way, did you drink that second cup of coffee? 


Lesley Logan 21:34  

Yes, I did. I became like I had. I'm a two-coffee girl. 


Polish Peter Kolat 21:37  

All right, so you were like ready to go, right? 


Lesley Logan 21:40  

Yes, yes. My day started early, so I just put one in a to-go container and one with me, and I definitely needed that. 


Polish Peter Kolat 21:47  

All right, very cool. So listen. So the way I've approached this, is this, I wrote a vision for that future wife, you know, and I wrote a vision from the perspective of who do I want that person to be like. What are some of the maybe the musts, right? Like for instance, I have three kids, so she has to like my kids. My kids have to like her, right? I'm Christian, right? So she's hopefully going to be Christian. I want her to be Christian too, right? And so many different things, right? And there was must, shoulds, should nots, can't, right? All those different things, and then based on these qualities that I wrote on that piece of paper, big page. I mean, it was I don't know, maybe 30, 40 items on there. It was a huge, you know, and because I had this very elaborate kind of vision. And by the way, one that guy Jason Wojo, he actually encouraged me to do this, and I resisted it for a very long time. And then he finally found the wife. I'm like, well, maybe there's something to that, you know. So I finally wrote it and found this girl in January of 2016, and we started dating, and she was meeting these kind of qualities. What had me be able to go and find this girl? Because at the end of this vision that I wrote, I had to ask myself a very sovereign question, and that is this: Who do I need to become in order for that woman to actually show up in my life?


Lesley Logan 23:07  

Right.


Polish Peter Kolat 23:07  

Because if I'm a deadbeat and I don't want a deadbeat, then guess what? She's probably not going to look for a deadbeat. So who do I need to become in order for that woman to show up in my life?


Lesley Logan 23:17  

Yeah.


Polish Peter Kolat 23:17  

So that's the things that I started putting into my life to create this, you know, for instance, one of the things I used to do as a people pleaser is this best foot forward kind of a thing, right? When we go meet someone, yeah, I would show up differently, like I'm all put together or whatever might be. What I've discovered is that actually doesn't work very well for me, so I just like let's be authentic, right?


Lesley Logan 23:42  

Yes.


Polish Peter Kolat 23:43  

People say you have to wait two days to call the girl after you see her. Well, we went on a date, right? I texted her the next morning and say how was everything. You know what I mean? So you start breaking the rules of what the society says how it needs to be. Because if it's the right person, guess what? She's not gonna care either, right? And that's what basically started it all. And here's the thing, crazy thing, Lesley. But the first girl in January dating her, she didn't align because she was not emotionally available for me. Guess was not in that vision emotionally available.


Lesley Logan 24:18  

Oh.


Polish Peter Kolat 24:18  

So then we went our separate ways, found another girl in what was like March, April of that year. In June 1st, we started dating, and we started dating. And I know that she's very political, you know. And I'm like, man, she talks about politics a lot. And I'm well, if her political views or my political views are sort of similar, and I go in my vision. Guess what's not under the political views. So I added that in there. But I'm like looking probably category of a should, right? So we kept dating, and today we're married. So it's, you know what I mean, it's when you look from the perspective.


Lesley Logan 24:56  

I love this story because I think I went to a college where all the girls wrote the list of what they want in someone, and I was just, okay. That's great. You do need to know where you're going. We all have to have a map. Yeah. But also, so many people don't then look at what they need to attract that person. And when you're, if you're finding that you're not attracting the right person, there is, it's hello. It is you thing. It's not a them thing. A lot of people like to blame the dating pool out there, but it's like yes, and also if you keep attracting that person, there's something you're putting out into the world that is a magnet for that. We either repel people or we attract them, and I want to repel people who are not for me always, all the time. I don't want to be someone who's a magnet for things I don't want. So I love that you were okay. I love this, and this is what I want. But I need to be the person who this person would want. And then it's true; people don't realize that when a relationship doesn't work out, it's not like a failure. It's just information on, oh, I didn't realize how important this thing was to me, or actually, I didn't realize that this thing was a should, but it has to be a must because I thought it would I be okay with it, but I'm not, and that's it's just all information that we have to go out and we get to do and we get to figure out and we learn about ourselves dating these people. I love that so much. I think that's so cool.


Polish Peter Kolat 26:10  

That's why I said like it's most people there's a big missing element when people don't do this. You know what I mean? That's like who do I need to become? I think that people never ask the question because they're kind of worried and afraid what they might what the answer might be, and they're not willing to grow into that person.


Lesley Logan 26:22  

Yeah, yeah. Well, because it means letting go of stories that don't serve you.


Polish Peter Kolat 26:27  

Exactly. Because these stories, some shape or form, they do serve them. That's why they're holding onto them.


Lesley Logan 26:33  

I agree. I agree. Polish Peter, what are you most excited about right now?


Polish Peter Kolat 26:38  

Well, the one thing I'm most excited about is in the book that I released last year, I just want to make an impact in people's lives and be able to help them grow in their own life. So that's the thing that kind of that's my next mission in life, kind of thing.


Lesley Logan 26:50  

That's so cool. Okay, well, tell us about the book. Writing a book is not easy. You had to become a writer.


Polish Peter Kolat 26:57  

And I'm a talker, I'm a writer. You know what I mean? 


Lesley Logan 27:00  

Yeah. How'd you do it? How'd you go from being a talker to a writer?


Polish Peter Kolat 27:03  

Well, I will tell you this: one day at a time, kind of a thing. I start with just one paragraph, one paragraph, one paragraph, and then end up being a book, like a 43,000-word book. I was surprised. I even surprised myself. I was like, "What? No way!"


Lesley Logan 27:14  

I don't even know how many words are in a regular book. How is that a lot? 


Polish Peter Kolat 27:18  

No. So this is about 180-some pages. 


Lesley Logan 27:21  

Okay, that's a good size book. Yeah. Okay. All right. Authentic Self Rebirth. I love it. Okay. 


Polish Peter Kolat 27:25  

Authentic Self Rebirth. So, basically my own journey, and I'm looking to help people get back to their authenticity. That's the whole book.


Lesley Logan 27:32  

So okay, I want to because I love I want only authentic people in my life, and then also because of the internet, the authenticity word has been totally bastardized, ruined. But I don't think you. I think it's still important to have. So, what does authenticity mean to you? How do we know that we're being authentic?


Polish Peter Kolat 27:52  

When you're true to yourself, you know what I mean? Think about it this way: we all know deep down inside whether this that who we are is actually like, if you feel like there's something missing, you know, I have this question: like something's off, something's missing, something is not there. Do you know that you're not being your authentic self? And then the other aspect is that if you're living from the stories of what the world told you to be, how you need to be, and we all have this because at some point, Johnny, when he was in the second grade, he raised his hand and he was all excited to give an answer that two plus two equals three. You know what I mean? And the whole class laughed. And now Johnny decided that I'm never going to raise my hand again. I'm never going to speak up because I want to make sure 100% that I'm right. That's you being inauthentic, you know what I mean. Because now, because the world told you that you need to, you made the decision that I cannot speak up, and I think that's what happens for a lot of people that keeps them away from being fearless, to being courageous, being going out there and making things happen in life. You know what I mean? Because I think we all can impact somebody else's life. So when you start looking from that perspective, I had to. When I went through after the divorce, I noticed that a lot of the stuff that I was being was inauthentic because I wanted. I felt like there was deep down inside. I was supposed to be doing something else or being someone else, but I was just performing. There you go. That's the word. It's not about performing; it's about being. Yeah, and I think most people are performing.


Lesley Logan 29:24  

Yeah.


Polish Peter Kolat 29:24  

Especially on the social medias.


Lesley Logan 29:26  

Oh well, that's what it's for.


Polish Peter Kolat 29:28  

Yeah, exactly.


Lesley Logan 29:30  

I mean, my favorite compliment. My listeners have heard this before. I was, it was 2019, I want to say, and I was in Australia, and I'd finished teaching these workshops, and I wanted to go to this one store before it closed, and so the host was driving me to the store, and we're having some fun. We're in the traffic, whatever. And the host, one of the hosts, is, "You're the same person in real life that you are online." And I.


Polish Peter Kolat 29:51  

Right.


Lesley Logan 29:51  

Yeah, I don't know. I actually don't know how to be anybody else. I I don't actually know how to do that. Maybe that's the AuDHD in me. Like I don't actually. I really. Don't know. I can only really be myself, and so thank you for that. And it's it's difficult because what happens is people get rewarded for performing, just like little Johnny learned, don't raise your hand, you'll get laughed at. Other people learn, I get attention if I perform, and so it's hard for people to be authentic because on either side, you know, there's these pressures to be something else, or pulling you to be something else. So I agree. A lot of people do perform instead of being. So that's I like. I think authenticity is when you're being. I love that. Yeah.


Polish Peter Kolat 30:31  

Because think about. I used to hate my accent. I want to get rid of it as much as possible. I actually because I will tell you this. Doing events around the country now, right? We, you know, and so I speak in front of people. My team, because we have a team that runs it, there is in the back of the room there is a thing called Peterisms, the words and phrases that Peter says that maybe people don't understand or sound something different. I am not allowed to say the word shift because it sounds like something else. Okay? However, guess what? Do you think that stops me from being me, kind of a thing? No, no. And I think that's what I think is missing in life, that authenticity than just being, because people are always looking from the perspective. I need to looking good, right? I think that's another thing that drives a lot of this conversation.


Lesley Logan 31:20  

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's so interesting. I, you know what, I don't know a single person who likes the sound of their voice, and I don't even, you know, I'm always oh, I don't have an accent, and then I go places that, you know, I do have an accent. I love your accent. I'm, what are you talking about? I don't have an accent because I'm from California and we don't have an accent. But the people in the South, you sound like you're from California. So.


Polish Peter Kolat 31:41  

I hear you.


Lesley Logan 31:42  

Oh my gosh! Well, I I think you know what's so fun about this Polish Peter is we're all going to be on a journey, and the more we learn about ourselves, the more the better we get at being ourselves. You know, so thank you for going on this with us and sharing your book and your story with us. We're going to take a brief break and find out what people can find you, follow you, be inspired by you. 


Lesley Logan 32:03  

All right, Polish Peter, where do you hang out? Where can they buy your book? Where can they learn more about how to be their authentic self?


Polish Peter Kolat 32:09  

Well, they can find the book. By the way, thank you so much, Lesley, for having me. It was great being here. They can find the book at myauthenticrebirth.com. That's myauthenticrebirth. They can pick up the book and just pay for shipping and handling there, or literally anywhere the books are sold, like Amazon, Barnes & Noble, anywhere. And you want to hear more of this accent. You want to hear more of these kinds of mind-shift kind of videos. Instagram channel that I'm constantly under. It's called Authentic Self Rebirth. That's the name of the channel.


Lesley Logan 32:39  

I love it. Okay, you've given us some really great tips. I mean, quite honestly, like people can be it till they see it with most of what we just talked about. But what bold, executable, intrinsic, or targeted steps can people take to be it till they see it?


Polish Peter Kolat 32:51  

Be it till they see it. Be literally every day. Be with yourself. Like get in front of the camera, or get in front of the mirror and just be with yourself, and see when you are feeling comfortable or uncomfortable. And you know what ends up happening because most people do not like looking at themselves, right? And do not like being with themselves. So every single day, I would say, get in front of the camera or get in front of the mirror that you just be with yourself and just be quiet. I used to sometimes I do this exercise in our events, and if you want to do this, do that with your spouse or someone that's very close with you. Stand or sit in front of someone that's maybe a foot away from you, and just look at each other quietly without saying anything for five minutes. It will be the one of the longest minutes in your entire life, and you're going to see so many different emotions, so many different things in each other, and it's one of the most powerful exercises I've done with people because you don't say anything, but you are talking the entire time. That makes any sense?


Lesley Logan 33:57  

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I agree. People don't sit with our thoughts very much, and it's true. I definitely had no idea that most of my job would be me looking at myself in a camera. You know, you got to do it. It's a you got to do it so you can get over the things that you don't like about yourself, and also get excited about the things you do like about yourself. And you know, I think that's really a really good thing, and I also think so many of us are so busy in our head we're never with ourselves. So I love this. I love this action so great. Polish Peter, you are fabulous. You guys go get his book and share with Polish Peter and myself what were your takeaways, what landed with you. Share this with a friend who needs to hear it. Maybe you have an optimistic depressed friend who just needs to be called out in a kind way. They won't know until they get to this part that that's why you send it to them.


Polish Peter Kolat 34:45  

That's right.


Lesley Logan 34:46  

And you know, I think we all have a lot of us have people pleasing to work on. You know, and it's one of the biggest things you can do for yourself. So, thank you for your inspiration, your tips, your wonderfulness. And until next time, everyone, Be It Till You See It.


Lesley Logan 34:58  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.


Brad Crowell 35:41  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.


Lesley Logan 35:46  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.


Brad Crowell 35:50  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.


Lesley Logan 35:57  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.


Brad Crowell 36:01  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.



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