382. Stop Settling and Create a Life You Love

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Kel Cal, author, speaker, and host of the Dear Dumb Bitch podcast shares her personal transformation journey—from feeling lost and unfulfilled to creating a life she loves on her own terms. Kel opens up to Lesley about the importance of listening to your intuition, doing deep inner work to heal from past traumas, and taking aligned action to manifest your dream life. She explains why she left her marriage and moved to Bali, highlighting the power of following one's inner guidance. Learn ways to embody your future self, overcome limiting beliefs, and step into your power.

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In this episode you will learn about:

Kel's bold decision to leave her marriage and move to Bali.
Practices to help break free from unhealthy coping mechanisms.
How to create a strong foundation for self-love and transformation.
Techniques to embody the changes you want to see in your life.
Why Kel believes self-love isn't about striving to be someone new.
Powerful exercises to help you embody and manifest your future self.

Episode References/Links:

Guest Bio:

Kel is a life transformation & empowerment mentor, author, speaker, & the host of the Dear Dumb Bitch, podcast. Kel helps people transform their lives by transforming the relationship with themselves, healing trauma, and reconnecting with their personal power. She also helps women navigate the aftermath of toxic relationships and use the experience as a catalyst to unlock your Highest Self. Kel was living what appeared to be her dream life but in reality was secretly miserable in an emotionally abusive marriage so she made the bold decision to leave her life in sunny South Florida and move across the country to restart her life in the rainy city of Seattle. She went broke overnight, didn’t have a job, & was technically homeless, but she had a vision of a better future for herself so she committed to her own personal healing journey. Kel now lives in Bali, and her purpose in life is to empower people and share the message that you CAN have anything and everything you desire in life by healing trauma from the past, believing you are worthy of what you desire, developing unconditional love for yourself, and reconnecting with your personal power. She is incredibly passionate about teaching, inspiring others, and sharing tools and resources to help people stop settling, fall in love with themselves, and create a life they’re obsessed with!

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Episode Transcript:

Kel Cal 0:00

I feel like so often in life, we're living our life based on what we think we should be doing or based on what our limiting beliefs and self-doubt tells us we should be doing or should not be doing or cannot be doing. And it causes us to live the life that we're not meant to live. And we don't get to become who we are meant to become in this lifetime.

Lesley Logan 0:22

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 1:03

Okay, Be It babe, get ready. This is awesome. This interview is just great. You're gonna hear how I met this amazing woman at the intro. So I won't repeat myself here. But also, I know I say I love the Be It Action Items. I fucking love the Be It Action Items on this one. It's just you're gonna love it. I'm so grateful for random acts of kindness and learning from other people. There's something really cool about this gig. And I hope that you enjoy this. I get to meet so many unique people and I meet them oftentimes as you're meeting them in your ears. But I find like,isn't it so cool that we can learn from other people's experiences and then recognize how those experiences are similar to something we went through, not the same but similar, and then we can learn something that they learn in their experience that we might not have learned in our own experience, or we did and we forgot. And so Kel Cal is our guest today. She's brilliant. She's beautiful. She's got a, she's got a great book that you're gonna want to check out. I'm buying it already. And she also has a lovely podcast called Dear Dumb Bitch and I am on that podcast and I just kind of love it. I love the title of it. Because as soon as I heard I was like, yeah, there's that. You know that (inaudible), what would you tell your like 24-year-old self? It's kind of like that. And we can learn from epic women. So go ahead and check that out after this. You can check out the podcast that I was on. If you love it you can go listen to binge out on all the other ones. But here, before, before you go there, here's Kel so you can get to know her and how amazing she is. And get ready for those Be It Action Items. Get ready, get your pen and paper out for those. Have an amazing day.

Lesley Logan 2:37

All right, Be It babe. This is so fun. This has been a while in the making. And I just want to say like accept random acts of like connections. We, today's guests and I had a blind, like, Zoom date, which I feel like I haven't had since COVID. And we were introduced by a mutual friend and someone you know and have loved on the pod, Michael Unbroken. So we have this amazing conversation. I feel like if she lived in Vegas, we would probably hang out all the time. But she lives in Bali. Kell Cal will you tell everyone who you are what you rock at and why you live in Bali?

Kel Cal 3:11

Yes, well, hello, thank you so much for having me on the show. I'm so excited for this conversation. And I just love the serendipitous introduction that we had, and there are no mistakes and no accidents in the universe like we were meant to connect. So I'm Kel. I am a Life Transformation and Empowerment coach, I am a bestselling author and speaker and podcast host. And yes, I live in Bali because my intuition told me to move to Bali and I have ignored my intuition enough in my life to know that I should never ignore my intuition. So here I am.

Lesley Logan 3:46

One of my favorite crystal stores where I buy candles from, which, my listeners, I've tried to get an affiliate link for you. This, they don't want to work with me. But I will just tell you, it's The House of Intuition. They don't sponsor this and they're, all their boxes say your intuition led you here and I just love it. Like every time I buy candles, like, your intuition led you here. I'm like yes, it did, it lead me to buy the candle crystals. But yours led you to Bali. So we'll get into your book and your pod, of course, but I guess, like, you said you ignored your intuition before and then you listened to it to go to Bali. Can you tell us a little bit about that journey? Because I think a lot of us have ignored our intuition. And regretfully did that. It's easy, at hindsight, it's easy in 2020 of course, but what kind of led you to Bali?

Kel Cal 4:33

Yeah, so we're actually conditioned to ignore our intuition because we live in a society where we are taught to live in our minds, to exist in our mind, and to disconnect from our heart, from our body which is disconnecting us from our truth and our intuition and the connection to the higher powers that be. So I lived most of my life just checking off all the boxes on the to do list of life. And then I found myself in a situation where, going back to like circa 2018, and I thought I was living my dream life because my life looked really amazing from the outside. I lived in sunny South Florida, I had this beautiful home that I remodeled to perfection. It was paid off. I had a successful business. Lots of money in the bank. I was married. I had four golden doodles, six-pack abs, perfectly styled blonde hair, I drove a Porsche, and I was miserable. And there was a lot of factors contributing to the internal misery that I felt one of which was I was in an emotionally abusive and toxic as fuck marriage. And it reached a place where I just felt like I was drowning every single day of my life. And I was because my soul was being suffocated. So I made the decision to not only leave the marriage, but to move across the country to restart my life in every possible way. And that was the beginning of my journey of self-love and self-discovery, like I literally proclaim to the universe, this is my journey of self-love and self-discovery. This is my second chance in life, this experience and all the trauma I endured is not going to be the worst thing that ever happened to me, it's somehow going to be the best thing that ever happened to me. And I began to realize that I was living my life based on external expectations and what I thought I should be doing. And I was checking off all these boxes on this to-do list of life, graduate college, get a job, get married, buy a house, all the things. And I realized this wasn't even my to-do list. And I feel like so often in life, we're living our life based on what we think we should be doing or based on what our limiting beliefs and self-doubt tells us we should be doing or should not be doing or cannot be doing. And it causes us to live the life that we're not meant to live. And we don't get to become who we are meant to become in this lifetime. So on my own personal journey of healing from the past of stripping away everything that was blocking me from my truth, I began to develop this connection with my intuition. And when we follow our intuition, and we trust our intuition, we are allowed to be guided to live the life that we're meant to live.

Lesley Logan 7:07

So interesting, I love how you put like, this won't be the worst thing that ever happen to me, it's gonna be the best. I think that is such an interesting way to look at something. And I completely agree. It's funny when I've told people about like being homeless, or like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I'm like, you don't have to apologize. Like, first of all, the first two were like outside of my control, the third one, 100% in mind, but I knew I needed to like get out of the situation I was in because like you, we live this perfect on paper, perfect on the outside. Social media wasn't yet huge, then I was like posting the sunsets. I wish I had the pictures because like, they were fucking beautiful sunsets a bit like, but it was. Like, if you came to a party at our house, you're like, oh my god, this is like the most amazing like you've-made-it-life in LA and with the most amazing, incredible views. And I was also so, so unhappy. And so in my head all the time. And I think we talked about this, it took me a fucking year to go, okay, I've been really done with this. We got to figure this out. So I feel like the best everything from that rock bottom because the actual, like, best thing that ever came. And you know what's interesting? You're in Bali. You guys must have lotus flowers, right? Like, you have lotus flowers in Bali?

Kel Cal 8:11

Yes, yes. (Inaudible)

Lesley Logan 8:14

In Cambodia, we go to a lotus farm, we take our retreaters to a lotus of farm. And the whole idea is that the lotus seed comes from mud. And the seed grows and the plant grows and it finds the top of the water and it actually blooms on top of the water. And the whole story is like it doesn't matter what your roots are, you can always have, you can always become beautiful. And I think that that's what, in air quotes, rock bottoms really are, is like the mud of which the lotus flower will come from?

Kel Cal 8:38

Yes, yes, 100%. And actually, that's the reason I got this lotus flower tattoo on my wrist. I got it right when I left, the marriage moved across the country, and it was homeless went broke overnight, like literally every aspect of my life just changed overnight. And again, I was like, This is my mud. This is my rock bottom. But this is not going to be the worst thing. This is going to allow me to bloom and create this beautiful life where I actually love myself and I'm a priority in my own life. And I'm living my life. And I got this lotus flower tattoo when I began my journey as a symbol of my intention. And to remind me because it's so easy to forget when we go through the day-to-day or when we're experiencing the challenges, and we get feel like we're stuck in it. But I got this tattoo right on my wrist to have that visual reminder like no, this is the mud that is leading you to actually blossom and grow into who you're meant to be.

Lesley Logan 9:36

Hmm. Oh, I love it. I love it. This is really hilarious and off topic, but we're just gonna do it. Most people don't know I have cherry blossoms on tattoo on my arm. And it's a cover-up I got right after I left my ex because I had this tattoo from when I was younger and I wanted to cover it up and the guy was like, well flowers are easy cover-ups and I was like I don't like any flowers but I think I like a cherry blossom and my friend who's a jewelry designer who designed my engagement ring. And a lot of the jewelry you see me wear, she's, she became very famous for her cherry blossom necklace. And so I said, I'm gonna get cherry blossoms because I love your jewelry. And I love that cherry blossoms like the one flower I think I could look at forever. And she's like cherry blossoms are a symbol of new beginnings. And if you think about when cherry blossoms actually bloom for a very short period of time, but it's at the change of the season from winter to spring. And so it's really just an incredible thing. So you guys, if you need new beginnings cherry blossoms, and if you need to be reminded of like the you're stuck in the mud, remember, you are a lotus. So that's beautiful. So Kel, okay, you have this beautiful life, you, overnight, changed all of it. I feel like it's very easy to kind of go back into some of the habit, I just want to say like for me, you can go okay, I know all the things, I'm gonna change my life. I'm not happy here, I'm going to just do it all differently. But was it? Did you find yourself like fighting with the old habits of the way you lived your life for the new ones that you're wanting to live in? How did you handle that?

Kel Cal 10:59

Yeah, so not only did I bring all of the old habits and all of the baggage from the past with me, I actually then developed a shit ton of coping mechanisms. Because I did not have the resources to navigate the trauma I had experienced not just the trauma from the relationship, but also the trauma that led me to that relationship in the first place. And I literally thought it would be as easy as restarting my life in every possible way. Now, I did get support and resources when I first moved out there because I was a shitshow, like captain of the hot mess express. And rightfully so, I experienced tremendous trauma in the marriage and changed every aspect of my life overnight. And I was going to therapy and I was in a domestic violence support group. And I was like doing the things. But then I discovered mindset work. And that's really when I began to recognize that you can make changes in your life. But I also used that as a way to bypass the deep inner work and the deep inner healing that I needed to be doing. So I discovered oh, I can change my beliefs and I could really just think my way out except you can't think your way out because you have to feel in order to heal. So that's really when I began to develop a lot of coping mechanisms in the form of eating disorders, substance abuse, pretty much every kind of addiction, addiction to exercising and working out and productivity and all the things to really distract myself and numb myself from what I was feeling inside. So I reached this place where I realized that I basically recreated my life in Florida, except I recreated it in Washington. And again, I found myself, my life looks really good on the outside, but inside I feel like shit. I feel controlled except this time, it wasn't another person controlling me it was myself. And that's when I had yet another existential crisis where I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm the common denominator, which means I need to do the deep inner work to change.

Lesley Logan 13:00

Yeah. So you know, you hear about toxic positivity. And I feel like people like learn words, and then they overuse them in the wrong way. You're like, look, I'm doing all the right things now. I'm doing all these like mindset things and I'm meditating, but you're not still in your head. You're just doing the surface. So it's the pendulum of the other side of the toxic relationship we're in. Now you're gonna send us the other version of it, where you're like, I'm doing, look at me, I did all these things. It's still look at me without the Porsche. It's just not, look at how mindful I am.

Kel Cal 13:30

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 13:30

When you talk about inner work, I think that's another like, phrase, like, or sentence people can hear. What does that mean? Like, what does that inner, deep inner work mean to you?

Kel Cal 13:38

Yeah, I know, when I was, even when I first started my journey of like, self-love and self-discovery, I'm like, cool, but what the fuck does that actually mean? Like, what do you even do? And people talk about doing the work but like, what is the work? Like, what does that mean? So for me, initially, at the beginning of my journey, the journey of self-love and self-discovery, I started journaling, and I started really building the relationship with myself. And when I went deeper on this journey, it looked like inner child healing and looked like healing my nervous system using practices like somatic healing, it looked like actually meditating, it looked like using these other practices and modalities to actually go within and not look for the answer outside of myself, and also to really get honest about the energy that I was bringing to the healing journey, which is really the journey of transformation. And so often, we go on this healing journey viewing ourselves, like we're broken, and we're something that needs to be fixed. And that really is just reinforcing the underlying patterns that are keeping us stuck. So making the shift from I'm not broken, I'm actually this perfectly human that just needs to support myself in deeper ways.

Lesley Logan 14:58

Yeah, I think that's, I think that's really, it's really true. And I think I love that you brought up somatics. I think a lot of people don't know about it, you know, they, they go to talk therapy, which is great. I have a couple clients who are excellent talk therapists. But there's also like, as a Pilates instructor, or there's like people who I've tried because I didn't like it, I'm like, well, maybe didn't like the teacher. And people like I tried therapy it didn't work, maybe didn't like the therapist or the therapy style. Like there's so many different ones based on like, what you need. And also like, what you need at the time, you know, like what I needed during COVID is very different than what I need today. And so I think it's important to kind of not just go oh, that didn't work for me. So nothing will work for me. It's there's, there's others who wants to do it. What are you most excited about now in your life that you've done this work? Or where do you find yourself continuing to go back to like, feel yourself and continue to make sure you, I don't want to say continue to heal yourself, but like, also continue to grow?

Kel Cal 15:55

Yeah, so this journey does not have a finish line. And when I first found that out, I'm like, what a fucking scam. I'm not gonna, like cross this finish line one day, and someone's gonna hand me a trophy and say, congratulations, you're this fully enlightened and healed human. And that's actually not how it works. But you reach a place where all of these practices that you're doing just become a way of living. And it becomes this really exciting experience of discovering your shadows of discovering new parts of yourself that are holding on to pain and emotions from the past, and getting to understand them and build a relationship with these different parts of yourself, and to just continue to access more and more of yourself. So now, it's just a way of living life for me, and I actually love it to bits. It's like I say, my sole purpose in life is my soul's purpose, to discover more of myself and to expand because the more that we discover ourselves, the more that we get to access our own inner gifts, and then we get to share those gifts with the world. And that's how we get to create impact and support humanity.

Lesley Logan 17:01

I think that's true. You remind me of a guest we had on Keri Ford, and she's like, it's like a mountain without a peak. And it's not that you don't ever stop and look around and like, see and take a rest. But there's, as we continue to get to know ourselves and continue to grow. There is another level of which you can take that information, you know, and so it's not like you are repeating kindergarten forever in the wellness place, space, but you are kind of just continuing to go through the next ascension, also relearning the things that worked for you in a new way because now you know more. As I've been doing Pilates for 20 years in my body. I've been teaching for over 15. And the other day, I was doing an exercise and I was telling my teaching mate, like, oh, I finally could straighten my leg in this exercise. it used to always make me feel unsteady to have a straight leg in this exercise, now I can. He goes, yeah, now you can lift the other leg up if you pull it in to your body. And I was like, what? I can't, like, just let me have a moment, sir. And but I did what he said. And I was like, oh, my god, there's a whole nother level. And now, it's changed everything I know about everything. Because I like hit this, you know, you just like have a new appreciation, understanding for something that you already thought you learned, but you're learning on a deeper level because you're ready for it.

Kel Cal 18:23

Yes, yes. And that's really what it's about. It's about then taking what we've learned and actually embodying it. So it just becomes who we are. And that's how we actually shift our identity, we have to embody it. It's not enough to just think it, like, you are enough but thinking it doesn't change it because 95% of our life is our subconscious and that's in our body. That's what embodiment is, it's actually taking these lessons and making them truly a part of your being.

Lesley Logan 18:52

Yeah, do you, as you were trying to get some of these lessons be part of your of your being, were they're like, did you put Post-it notes everywhere? Did you write? And did you write it over and over again in journal? Do you say it out loud? Like what was your way of embodying these lesson?

Kel Cal 19:08

All of the above. All of the above, like at one point in my life, it looked like there was just a Post-it factory that exploded because I have Post-it notes all over. And even now, like, I feel like that's the best purpose of Post-it notes to give yourself reminders to remember who you are, because it's so easy to forget, especially when we just go through the day and we have all of these external triggers that are cueing different emotions and different thoughts and it's keeping us stuck. So the more that we can create reminders to remember who we are and who we are becoming, the more that we get to actually step into that version of ourselves. So affirmations, writing it. But the thing with affirmations is you have to actually feel the affirmations. You have to feel it because the emotion is the embodiment part. If you're just saying it out loud and going through the motions of I am amazing and I am enough like you're thinking it but actually feeling and connecting with the emotions of the affirmation is what allows you to truly connect with it. EFT tapping is another really powerful practice to allow you to access your subconscious and to really embody the version of yourself that you want to become and to reprogram subconscious beliefs. So that's been another powerful practice for me as well.

Lesley Logan 20:23

Oh, very cool. Okay. Yes. So, on the pod on Fridays, I do FYF, which is Fuck Yeah Friday. And it's for my overachievers perfectionist to have a day where they actually celebrate something they did do, because there's always things that we didn't get done. But, and I have a million things to do before a trip, and they're not gonna get done. And, and one of the things I say around here, by the way, now we're making pod merch for it, which is like, you're enough, right? One of the things I say at the end of the day is like you've done enough today. That's enough for today. But we, so on those Fuck Yeah Fridays, I actually read off an affirmation. And I used to read it off and repeat it three times so that people could like, say it with me in their car while they're walking. And most recently, I started reading it three different ways. And the reason I did that was like I was like, well, if I read it, just read it straight, then it has no emotion, and people can put their own emotion to it. But then if I emphasize different words, then it can impact someone in a different way. And you guys, it impacts me in a different way. I leave my FYF recordings, like I'm on top of the world. I'm not gonna lie, but like, I do agree, if you actually feel those things, I think it's really true. And by the way, can we all just keep Post-its and, you know, in business with our affirmations? I think that's a really cool thing. So why go into a couple of things? First of all, people are gonna want to know how you got to Bali? Did you fall in love with it? Did you go there and like, this is the place I'm gonna live? Or did you just show up with your bags packed and like, here's when we do? And then how did that lead you to the book you're bestseller for and like, what you're doing now?

Kel Cal 21:56

Yeah, so my journey first began in 2018, and that was like the first layer of it. And my journey was not this, like straight line trajectory, it took every possible detour that there was. And by detour, it means I had a lot of lessons I needed to learn to become who I am today. So I don't want listeners to hear this and think, oh, she left the marriage. And then she ended up in Bali. And it was just as (inaudible) transition.

Lesley Logan 22:23

You know, she's gonna have a movie about it.

Kel Cal 22:25

It was not that and I share all of those detours in the book because so often it's easy to see people on social media who are like living the highlight reel life and think that they've always lived that life and no, my life and my journey had many rock bottoms. And rock bottom is a great place to rebuild your life. Because you got to really look at what's not serving you. And you got to heal the parts of yourself that were using those various coping mechanisms. So I would say, like, my journey took the next level during COVID when I had this crisis of I was forced to be alone with myself as the entire country was because we had to quarantine. And that was my greatest fear of being alone with myself. And I'm like, oh, wait, there's a problem here. So that's really when I began to go deeper within the journey that I'm doing. And it was then that I discovered my true purpose and passion. So I was doing real estate at the time. And again, just kind of going through the motions. And I realized that I was not put here on this earth to sell houses, I could, I could do it really well, I can make a lot of money, but it's not my soul's purpose. And it doesn't give me the sense of expansion and fulfillment that I desire. So fast forward to it was July 2021, I am continuing to pursue my soul's purpose and passion of creating my online business to support other women on their journey. And I made the decision to transition out of my career in real estate to my new business and going full time in that. That same week, I was sitting on my couch in my condo in Washington State, looking at this girl's Instagram, and she's also an online coach from the U.K., but living in Bali. And I'm like, that's cool as shit. She's just living her life creating her dream business pursuing her purpose. And then I heard this voice say, "You could do that." And I'm like, what? Who said that? And I'm like, oh, wait, that's my intuition. And I'm like, I actually, I kind of could do that. There's literally nothing keeping me tied to Washington and I could just go across the world and move to a country I've never been to I had never been to Bali, but.

Lesley Logan 24:38

I love this so, I love this so much like I'm just gonna move to Bali. I mean, like, it looks beautiful. So I'm just gonna go figure it out when I get there.

Kel Cal 24:45

Yeah, I mean, I didn't even know, I didn't even know where Bali was on the map. Like, it wasn't even in my awareness. But I'm like, all right, I guess I'm moving to Bali. And then I had to really become the version of myself that could move to Bali and could move across the world to a country she's never been to. So that was the real preparation, I moved to Bali. It wasn't figuring out the passport and the visas and making reservations for where I'm going to live. It was becoming that version of me, who could actually pursue that.

Lesley Logan 25:15

I love that you brought that up because that's like such a be it till you see it moment, isn't it? Like, I would have thought that you would have moved to Bali and then embodied the person you want it to be. But I love that you're like, I have to become the person who's living in Bali. Now, I have to like, be that person, I have to change that lifestyle. Because otherwise, you could,you probably would have just ended back in Washington, being a real estate agent that you were, or being in real estate because you hadn't made the changes beforehand. It's not easy to change your habits and change how you meet expectations for yourself.

Kel Cal 25:50

No, it's not easy at all. But that's, that's how we become that future version of ourself. We become that version of ourself now, because the future doesn't even exist. And the only time we can actually make changes is right now in this moment, because we tell ourselves, we'll do it tomorrow will change tomorrow. But tomorrow, doesn't exist because when it arrives, it's called today. So when we can begin to become that version of who we desire to be to become her now, that's when we actually get to close those timelines and create our future and live that life now. So I really view it as just practice, practice being the future version of yourself now, like, try it on for size? How would the future version of you show up to whatever activity it is that you're doing? How would she progress throughout the day? How does she show up and start practicing showing up as her?

Lesley Logan 26:44

Yes, I love that. Okay, so you move to Bali sight unseen. I just fucking love. Ladies, we can do it, we can just move to a place without checking it out first. So first of all, of course, everything we like, how did you like make a living? How did you like Were you already doing your coaching business? And then how does that how you wrote your book. And then also you said, we've talked about the wins other names, so let's make sure we get that.

Kel Cal 27:09

Okay, so when I moved to Bali, I was building my online business that oh, which I still am. And I had the vision of writing a book for a long time. And I initially discovered my love for writing throughout my journaling journey, because I had never really written before I never journaled before, I started in 2018. And then I realized I actually love writing. And even at the beginning of my journey, I knew I would share it one day, I can remember I was in a domestic violence support group. And I had discovered TED Talks. And that was like my gateway drug to personal development. So I'm like, whoa, you can actually make all of these changes. So I watched a shit ton of TED Talks, and I was talking about them constantly. And the facilitator on the domestic violence support group called me TED Talk Kelly. And she's like, you're gonna have a TED talk one day. And that's, that feels so far away, because I'm literally just trying to survive. But also, it was so exciting, because I'm like, yes, I am going to share my journey one day, and it's going to empower other women to make these changes for themselves. So that's kind of when the seed was first planted. And then, as I continued to go on this journey of healing and self-love, which it's just to return to who you already are, like, it's not about becoming someone else. It's about becoming who you already are, beneath everything that you're not. So I had this vision of writing a book, and it was always like, now is not the right time. And we tell ourselves now is not the right time for a few reasons. One, because we have fear and limiting beliefs that are talking us out of it. And sometimes it's just truly not aligned for the right time. And for me, it's because I was still living the book that I would be writing. So my book starts with me getting on a flight in 2018 to move across the country to restart my life. And it ends in 2023 with me getting on a flight to move across the world to create my life. So it really just, I was still living the book. So that was really like one of the, one of the main things that I had as far as my vision of Bali. It's like, I'm going to write my book in Bali and that's what I did.

Lesley Logan 29:25

Okay, the name of your book. Oh, yes.

Kel Cal 29:28

How I Cured My Resting Bitch Face: Your Guide to Stop Settling, Fall in Love with Yourself, and Create a Life You’re Obsessed With.

Lesley Logan 29:36

Oh my gosh, Thank you, also, for just like saying the dates of these things because, even me, someone who is fully aware that like nothing happens overnight, I'm thinking oh, until, oh, she moved in 2021. You know what I mean? Like I just have, you had the, you had the intuition. You're like okay, I moved. No, it took you a couple more years like it took a, you know, like, everything takes a little bit of time and it's allowed to take time. But I love that you said like we'll say things like, now's not the right time. Another phrase we say is I can't afford, and what I love to reframe those as I'm not, I'm not choosing to do that in this moment, or I'm not choosing to invest that money in that thing right now. So those are, to reframe those phrases allows you to take back control of the idea, and actually make a choice and a decision. That's not a limiting belief. And it's actually something you can explore and make a possibility. So I love, I love the name of your book, I think it's really, I think it's really hilarious. And I think, I hope a lot of our listeners grab it. What are you most excited about right now?

Kel Cal 30:43

Oh, so right now I am most excited about continuing to move towards becoming the version of myself that is fully creating the impact that I know I am here to make. So I have the vision of becoming a published author and sharing my journey. And I'm so, so proud of this book. And it's just my first book, because I know that there are future books that I'm currently living. So that was that was like one pillar, becoming an author. And then I have this vision of becoming a speaker. So I actually just invested in public speaking mentorship program. It's an eight-week program. And at the end of the program, I will be speaking at an event. It's called Fab X, which is kind of like Bali's version of TEDx, but with a little bit more soul ads. You know, as a coach, I really believe in the power of working with the coach and investing in yourself. Because, first of all, like, could you do any of this on your own? Could I, I worked with a coach to write my book. Could I've written my book on my own? Absolutely. But why not work with someone who's done what you want to do? So that way, they can guide you and support you.

Lesley Logan 31:50

I love that.

Kel Cal 31:51

And also, when you invest in yourself, that's like the first step of the transformation. Because the moment you say yes, and you actually put your money where your mouth is, it's kind of forcing you to start showing up in a new way. So by me investing in this program, it's like proclaiming to the universe like, yes, I'm committed to this, I'm showing up to this because my words are my gift, both written and spoken. So now I need to become the version of myself who can really share that gift.

Lesley Logan 32:23

I love, I love and I couldn't agree more like, y'all, as a Pilates instructor, I have a Pilates instructor. As a coach, I have a coach. Like, the you, yes, you can get places on your own, but you can go really slow. You have a lot more detours. And it's always nice to have a guide who's you know, been where you want to go and then you'll evolve and you'll find another guide for yourself. So that's beautiful. We're gonna take a brief break, then we're gonna find out where people can find you, follow you, work with you, and your Be It Action Items.

Lesley Logan 32:55

All right, Kel, where do you hang out? Where's your book at? How do we, how do we stalk you a little bit in the best way?

Kel Cal 33:01

Okay, so I hang out on Instagram a lot. I love Instagram stories. So you can connect with me there @IamKelCal I also have my podcast which you have been a guest on. It's an amazing episode. My podcast is Dear Dumb Bitch. And my book How I Cured My Resting Bitch Face is available on Amazon and other retailers like Barnes and Noble, but Amazon's probably the best way to get it.

Lesley Logan 33:29

Love it, we'll have all those links below. Okay. It's been a fun, it's been amazing, you've given us so much already. But bold, executable, intrinsic, target steps people can take away to be it till they see it. What do you have for us?

Kel Cal 33:43

Okay, I actually have two and I really want to share both of them. So when we have a vision for ourself and our life, when we make like the vision board, a lot of the times we think it's about the things on the vision board, it's about the vacation, it's about the dream job, it's about the dream partner. And it's not really about any of those things, it's about how we think those things will make us feel. So we don't manifest what we want, we manifest what we are, which means we need to actually embody the emotions of what it is that we desire. so that way we can become an energetic match for them. So, one way you can do this is, it's actually a two-part process. So, identify the emotions that you think you will feel once you have the things on the vision board, and then create opportunities to begin to feel those emotions now. So let's just say you want a six-figure bank accounts. Okay? How is that going to make you feel? It might make me feel like I have stability and security. So start creating opportunities to feel what it's like to have stability and security in your life now. And then also look for ways that you already have stability and security in your life because that's going to start to create the neural pathways to start to recognize where you already have it, and then you can invite more of it in. So creating opportunities to experience more of the emotion, and also looking for ways that it's already present in your life. It might not be through financial means, but it might mean through other aspects of your life. So that's, that's one. And then the other way is, so, music is energy. And energy carries a frequency, which also allows us to calibrate. So pick a song and make it be your theme song that really embodies the energy of how you want to feel in the future. And then play that song every single morning, it's important to do it in the morning, because it's easy to just have the day go on and then you forget to actually do it. But put this song on and actually feel the emotions that the song is allowing you to connect with, that really represents how you desire to feel in the future, and how your life is going to feel in the future. So that way, you can have that energetic connection, because that's really how you're able to become a match for what it is that you desire.

Lesley Logan 36:15

I'm obsessed with these. I've never had either of these as I mean, we've had lots of manifestation tips, but that was fucking awesome. Kel, I love them both. And now I'm like what song we want to play tomorrow morning like I (inaudible) music journey.

Kel Cal 36:32

Yeah, and allow yourself to like move and actually like move in the way future you moves and embody that energy because that's, it's magical.

Lesley Logan 36:44

I used to play level up at my studio, whenever I'd come in to my studio when I first opened it and I would like blast, it'd be like 7:30 in the morning, like just like level up, right? And then and then I would play Now We Are Free in between each client. So I could like wash my hands from the gladiator and like now I'm free of that energy like, not that I hated them. That's not it at all. It's just that people leave their energy around. And that was like my way of staging my studio. But I love the idea of playing the song of the person I want to be and like the energy I want to embody. That's brilliant. Fuck yeah. Love this. Kel, you are so awesome. Thank you so much for sharing your tips. We'll have to have you back, of course. And you guys, how are we going to use these tips in your life? Tag Kel, tag the Be It Pod. Let us know, go get her book, and, you know, give yourself permission to be continually learning. Doesn't mean you failed. I think it's really easy. I hear some of our listeners what, I should have learned that already. It's like you did, you're just at a new level now. So I feel like that's one of the best messages I got from this podcast episode. So thank you Kel, for giving us that. And y'all, until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Lesley Logan 37:51

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day.

Lesley Logan 38:18

Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 38:33

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 38:38

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 38:43

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 38:50

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 38:53

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

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