737. You Have to Know What Success Means to You

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Part one of the comparison series exposed how fast somebody else's goals become your own. Part two is where you take them back. Lesley Logan makes the case that a standard set by your parents, social media, or a season you already left will always feel like falling short, no matter how much you get done. If you have ever hit the goal and still felt behind, this episode will help you build a definition of success that holds up even on a hard day.


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In this episode you will learn about:

  • The one word swap that changes what you chase all day.
  • How your season should set a fairer standard for success.
  • What burnout reveals about your current metric.
  • Three to five values that make your day easy to score.
  • The old measure of success to retire this week.


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Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

You have to be it on your own terms before you'll ever see it in your life, whatever it is. Peace, love, true success is something that you're going to define. But also, we got to get there with a regulated nervous system. We can't be an exhausted, burnt out shell of ourselves.


Lesley Logan 0:16  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.


Lesley Logan 0:58  

Hi, Be It babe. Welcome back to our series on comparison, comparisonitis. All right. So last episode, a couple days ago, we exposed our the borrowed scoreboards. We basically talked about how we often are using what our parents or our family or societal expectations are as our scoreboards, whether or not we're good enough person and we've had success. We often are trying to do old life stuff with new life stuff. Sometimes we've even borrowed other people's goals, thinking that that sounds good. I see a lot in business coaching that I do. People are doing something in their studio, and so someone else thinks they have to do it, and then they get stressed out and frustrated by it. But it's, well, that's not part of your business plan. So why did you think if you do it? Well, everyone's doing it. No, they are doing it. Not everyone is doing it. Everybody, there's a lot of reformer students out there. You don't see me thinking that that's a good idea. So, not that it's not, but it's not for me, right? So, and I'm very clear on that. So, I want you to have some that same sort of conviction when it comes to who you are and who you want to become and how you're going to get there. And it's not going to be by using other people's scoreboards and social media's expectations and societal pressures to be something else, because then you're just going to be what they want you to be, right? 


Lesley Logan 2:07  

I remember hearing this this line. Oh my God, it would have been like 2011, yeah, 11, and it was if you don't have goals that are clear and your goals, somebody else's goals will become your own. You will be working on towards something. It's either what you want to do or what someone else wants to do. Now, here's the deal: there are some people who love to be a backup babe. That's but that's not what I'm talking about here, right? We're talking about the person you want to become. So, we also in the last episode had some questions you did some homework on. Please make sure you've listened to that episode before coming to this one, because we are going to shift our focus from what looks good on paper to what actually feels sustainable. Some people might even think peaceful or useful, but mostly aligned for you right now. So I really hate the question, and I get it all the time. But what is your definition of success? And I'm really proud to say this. I feel very successful right now. Based on my definition of success, I am successful. I am kicking ass. I'm doing great things.


Lesley Logan 3:09  

Now that being said, I'm not done, but I think it's important that you are aware that if you are working towards the person you want to become in your way, and it's very clear, and you're using your own scoreboard, then at the end of this episode, you should be patting yourself on the back. You're very successful, right? But you have to know what success means to you. For me, it is doing the things that I want to do based on the impact I want to have, and prioritizing myself while I do that means I'm in control of my schedule and who and what I say yes or no to.


Lesley Logan 3:35  

And when I am out of that alignment, when I feel like I'm working on someone else's timeline or someone else's schedule, then I feel icky and gross, and I have to get back in alignment with my definition of success. But in this moment, majority of the time, I am very much a very successful person. So I need you to understand that for yourself. So go back to the last episode and do those questions if you haven't already.


Lesley Logan 3:57  

So first thing we're going to focus on in this episode is the more versus better. So I want you when you are in comparisonitis, or when you're working, when you're putting pressure on yourself to do more. I just need more clients, or I need more time to work out, or I need more of this, or more visibility, or I just need more sit, whatever, blah blah blah. Whenever you hear yourself saying more, I actually want you to pivot it to better. What would be a better client, a better night's sleep, a better fuel source, a better friendship, a better way of taking care of yourself? Not more, right? So instead of more clients, like better clients, instead of more set, it's it's deep relationships instead of more room. It is more spaciousness in my schedule, right? It is better scheduling, better time, better tools and resources.


Lesley Logan 4:52  

So replacing more with better, and I think this is really important, right? Because I think we all start to accumulate and we get on this thing and we end up with a bunch of gray shirts because I need more T-shirts. So then you buy some T-shirts and you get more ads for T-shirts, and so you buy more T-shirts and all of a sudden all the T-shirts show up and you whoa! I bought this. I bought a bunch of gray T-shirts. No, that didn't happen to you. I'm the only one who clicks a couple ads and forgot what I did the day before. Yeah, I didn't think so. So really, it's no. I need better quality T-shirts that actually look good after they are washed and look good on me, not just more of them, better ones, right? I know that we're talking about success, and I'm talking about T-shirts, but sometimes it's the easier example to use.


Lesley Logan 5:29  

And one of my girlfriends, we talk about this a lot. You know, I've been doing what I've been doing for a long time, so I get asked to do things all the time, and I don't need more big events. I need better ones. So when I am asked, invited, I am very intentional. Who is going to be at this thing? Is this an audience I haven't had access to yet? Is this a way that I can support and make my impact even bigger so that I am not just doing more of the same thing, but I'm doing it better? Got it? I think we got it. 


Lesley Logan 6:01  

All right. The next thing is redefining success by your season and your nervous system. So Brad Bizjack has this really cool thing that we all have the same seasons that are in the universe on this earth. We also have those seasons in our life. We have winter, spring, summer, fall. In fall, what do you do? You harvest. It's a harvesting season, right? In the winter, you cocoon in, you, bears sleep. Right, they hibernate, and then in the spring you're planting seeds and really making sure you set yourself up. In the summer you're vacationing. Right, so what is success by the season that you're in, and then also how does that feel? Because it is not success to me if you arrive at the destination of your goal and you're burnt out and you have anxiety and you don't want to do it anymore. 


Lesley Logan 6:52  

I've coached a lot of people in Agency who like tell me they want this thing, they go and get this thing, and then they're not happy, and it's really hard. We not go, why can't you just be happy? Like that you you got what you wanted, and all you're doing is finding other things that are wrong in that place. You know, they make big moves because they said that's what they wanted.


Lesley Logan 7:09  

They make the big move, and then they are finding bad things over there because there's bad things fucking everywhere, right? But understanding the season that you're in, and then defining the success for that. So if you are, I have a friend who's cocooning right now, and she apologized for something, and I was like, "Well, you are in hibernation. Why are you apologizing for not being able to talk? If you are bare in hibernation, we wouldn't be talking, right? And so I think it's just really, really important that you give yourself permission to be in the season that you're in, and then have a success definition for yourself.


Lesley Logan 7:44  

If you are in winter season, not literally necessarily, but mentally, emotionally, goal drivenness wise, you are hibernating. You've harvested. You've just done a lot of work. Then you actually cannot put yourself in a comparison place being in a spring. Cannot do that. You have to hibernate. So, what does hibernation mean to you? What does winter mean to you? If you're in spring in your life, then what do you want to get done in that season so that after your summer you can harvest? What does that look like? Does that look like educating yourself more on something, doing research? Does it look like planting some big seeds? What does that look like? What does that season look like? And then creating a definition of success for you that also allows you to feel safe in your body and get good sleep. You got to get good sleep. Cannot be successful tired. You will die. And the last thing is a practical execution because you know I don't like just good, fun, quippy sayings and inspiration if you can't take action on it. Hello, it is the be it. It's in the be it.


Lesley Logan 8:52  

So I need you to have practical execution. So I want you to choose three to five core values, and to measure your days by. I guess you have five, but you have to remember them all, so that you're not relying on vibes or external validation or accolades from other people. I want it to be something you can do this by, right? We've had different guests on who've talked about how at the end of the day they see, like, recap their day to see if they got 1% better. We have some people like Amy Ledin has her cards and she looks at what she did. Did she do the things that was on her card, but and those are great. Like that's kind of it. So you want to have three to five core values that you want to live by each and every day, and then you want to measure your days by that.


Lesley Logan 9:30  

So if you say that you have a value of integrity, and you look at your day, and you actually did something that was out of integrity for you, then it's not a time to shame yourself. It's a time to understand. Oh, okay. How can I change that tomorrow? So I'm back in integrity. If you have a value of authenticity, but you found yourself doing things and picking colors based on someone else's branding or pictures or whatever, that is not very authentic, is it? So if authenticity is one of your values, and you look at your day and you realize, wow, you were invited to do something. It would not be authentic for you to say yes to that thing, and you said no. Holy fuck, can you score yourself so high that day, right?


Lesley Logan 10:09  

If being integrity is actually doing the thing that you said you would do, and even though there's all these different things that were trying to get to you, but you did the thing that you said you're going to do, even if you feel so tired, you can go, but I did it. I did the thing I said, and I didn't go out of integrity. And yes, life lifed, and I blah blah blah. But I was in integrity, right? So there's just different. I think we just have to be kinder to ourselves, and we can only be kind if we're actually aware of how the rubric that we're scoring ourselves off of. So three to five core values.


Lesley Logan 10:37  

If you don't have, if you don't know what your core values are, there's oh my gosh! There's a really good. Just Google 30 core values. Okay, I think James Spark has a sheet on the internet, and you can take a look at this list. Okay, I mean you could just pick the three to five that really stand out to you. Sometimes you'll pick two that are the same. I would actually say and have an integrity and authenticity could be layered, and one of them might be more the word that you're looking for by the definition that you're using, but having core values is good. And if you, I don't know how to pick them. I was like 10 words that I like.


Lesley Logan 11:08  

Okay, so then this is what you do: you take your Be It Till You See It life, who you want to be, right? And you are gonna write down things that people say about that person, the version of you you want to be, and then you're going to write down three things you achieved as that person. Write that down. Then I want you to look at the core value list, and I want you to apply a core value to the things people said about the Be It Till You See It version of you and the wins you had when you got to that success. And you will see, oh whoa, these are the things that mean the most to me. And you will just put them down.


Lesley Logan 11:40  

At OPC, we have consistency, we have communication, transparency, authenticity, and so it's how we operate, and it's also how our members can know that these are the values we have, and if you have these values, you belong here too. If you have all the same values, we have a couple, right? But these are really, really important because we often go off vibes, and that just doesn't work. I do this all the time. We have a meeting every month about the financial state of our business, and it's because it's too easy to go off vibes, way too easy to go, well, this didn't go as well as I thought, and this didn't go as well as I thought. Then go, whoa, we actually had a great month. So why am I being hard on myself? Oh, because I'm comparing myself to someone else, my old rubric, and I didn't go off the data, not helpful, not helpful, babe. So choose three to five core values that you can measure your days by. 


Lesley Logan 12:27  

Okay, it'll also help you understand how to do things in your day. I can't wait to see how you use this because I do think this is a really cool thing that I found in my research for this. And I actually think, especially when you're in comparisonitis, maybe don't do this every day, but if you find yourself in a comparison season of life, this might be the best way to get yourself out of it. So here is your action step this week: just pick one metric of your old scoreboard that you are officially retiring and replace it with a value that protects your piece. So go look at your four to five core values, which one can you replace that old metric by so you can protect your inner peace because you have to be it on your own terms before you'll ever see it in your life, whatever it is. Peace, love, true success is something that you're going to define, but also we got to get there with a regulated nervous system. We can't be an exhausted, burnt out shell of ourselves.


Lesley Logan 13:19  

No one says when I my Be It Till I See It, babe. My Be It, babe. That I am looking towards and taking action as if I'm already her is dead and tired. No one is saying that. So becoming the woman who honors her own version of success and saying you're firmly in your choices, even when no one understands your timeline, and that is hard. I know that I disappoint and piss off a lot of people in my personal life, and I'm okay with that because when I do show up with them, I'm the version of me that I want to be around them. It's listening and present and supportive, and it's hard to do.


Lesley Logan 13:55  

I guess I wouldn't say I piss, but I probably frustrate them. I'm probably sure they want more. Anyways, your reflection questions: More versus better. So I love this. I hope you did too. So where are you chasing more, more, more, more, more, more? And what could, what would be a better replacement? Is it better, better boundaries, higher quality, that kind of thing? Okay. Next metric is in your last achievement? Did reaching that goal leave you feeling safe and spacious, or fried and anxious? So, if you look at your last achievement, if when the time you got there you couldn't even celebrate because you're so tired, we have to redefine your metric. That is a big sign. Hey, but if you got there and you were so excited you could celebrate and be there and enjoy it, good job. Keep that metric. 


Lesley Logan 14:42  

Now, the next thing I want you to look at is, in the current season you're in, what are you allowing success to look like? And then, looking at five or 10 years ago, what was the definition you're off operating off of? If it's the same, my love, I promise you, you're in a different season. And so you could probably immediately take some pressure off your shoulders. So redefine. And lastly, what are your three internal values that would help you to know if today was successful? Make sure you put them on a Post-it. Make sure you start your day looking at that. Make sure you write down action steps you can take to get there. Comparison does suck, but it's also not terrible. And so, what I will say, because I said in the first episode, it's often just a highlighter, a flashlight, a magnifying glass, a little beep beep beep beep beep.


Lesley Logan 15:33  

There's something about this that you want, whether it's a vibe, emotion, a value, an impact. There's something that you want, and it's hard to Be It Till We See It. If we can't see the thing that we want, even if it's not the exact thing, I can look at a friend of mine and I can see the ease at which she does some things. I don't actually want to do the thing she's doing, but I can see that ease. And if I hadn't seen that, I wouldn't have known that I actually want that in my life, as I do the thing that I'm doing, right? Does that make sense? So please don't shame yourself if you do compare. Market research is important, but if you are feeling like you're going into a spiral, if comparison is high, then you got to get clear on who you are, what you want to be, and the values that you want to live by to get there.


Lesley Logan 16:25  

Be It babe, I hope this is helpful for you. I hope this took the inspiration that a lot of our guests have given us and helped you put it into place where you can apply it to your life today. And I would love to hear what your takeaways are. So please tag the Be It Pod, share the series with a friend who needs to hear it. Maybe you guys can answer these questions together and support each other, and hold each other accountable. And if you have a topic you would like me to go into, if you have questions based on this that I could maybe do some other episodes on, please send them into beitpod.com/questions. And then lastly, to support this podcast, thank you so much for listening. Every download supports this podcast, including the ones your friends do. Reviews help too, and being an OPC member really truly helps this podcast. It's how this podcast is powered. Thank you so much, and until next time, Be It Till You See It. 


Lesley Logan 17:06  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.


Brad Crowell 17:49  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.


Lesley Logan 17:54  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.


Brad Crowell 17:58  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.


Lesley Logan 18:05  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.


Brad Crowell 18:08  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.



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